I Am The Other Woman
I am NOT the other woman. I suppose I am the NOW but I dislike that description because it suggests I am not something; not something with a perceived greater value . I am the REAL woman.
This group or concept of the OW (other woman) and NOW (not other woman) is one of a few things that once took me to experience project through various Google searches and now brings me here. It’s why I hope setting up a profile will help me discover more about me, others like me and how we live with our partners cheating.
I’ve read an abundance of stories in the NOW group and in the OW group between here, the old experience project and some online forums. It seems we have an opposition to each other, or at least a contest. I don’t make light of this and I understand for so many woman it speaks directly to their sense of worth and well-being individually, in the family, and perhaps subconsciously to their need to care for and protect their children. It also speaks to our confidence in ourselves and our ability to be someone who can attract our husbands. I must confess that I do not understand fully the desires of another woman to poach or of the husband to wander, and yet I do understand it is human nature to look and desire. I also understand that this behaviour is not uncommon, has existed for as long as the institution of marriage, and will continue to do so for at least as long as its competitor does.
I am a mother of three girls with a man whom I deeply love. I am the real woman in this triangle, or square, or polygon as it may be, and my husband does wander.
I can hear the champions of NOW calling to me as I write this. “Leave the scumbag.” Unfortunately, or fortunately perhaps, I do not see him as a scumbag. I have heard other women in the past state that they share, and so now I hear the champions of the OW calling also. I do not share of my own decision; however, on some level I have accepted that I share him. I will confess that in the past my husband and I have shared other women together, but that is not the nature of the situation today. Today he wanders alone, I know he does it, and I do not apparently oppose it in force.
Please hear me out. I understand what a polarizing issue this can be. The options to us often seem to be the bad and the worse. I can live in a false marriage, I can be miserable, or I can break it off and divorce causing still endless damage to me and my children until one day maybe everyone tires of carrying torches for hatred and anger and turns it instead to quiet submerged bitter grudges which eat at our psyche for the rest of our lives. I also have been interested to read how many women have been able to set aside the infidelity and rebuild a new relationship with their husbands.
Now some about my husband, whom I suspect many of you, will learn to hate here.
He is thirteen years older than I. He travels the globe weekly for business to many locations but most often to his European office in Lisbon. We have three girls at ages twelve, nine and seven. I believe he may have fathered a son in Portugal. He has a persistent and varied sexual appetite. I know he has made use of courtesans and prostitutes while away before. I believe he has been involved in an ongoing affair with a woman in Portugal who at one time worked in his offices there. Is he evil now?
He is the perfect father to our children when he is home and sends them messages often while he is away. He also video calls us all regularly. He encourages everything the girls do and actively supports them in their activities. He is our eldest daughter’s biggest fan while she is on the football field, our middle daughter’s constant support while horseback riding, and our youngest’ s proud recipient of a constant stream of artwork.
He is my husband. He is my lover. He is my friend and confidant and when he is with me nothing he does could ever conjure the image of another in my mind. When he is with me I am his everything and I genuinely feel as though I am his only. I know that I am not.
I recently watched a video of a presentation by a woman about affairs and infidelity and monogamy. I have never been completely convinced of the fact that two people can be the only sexual interests of each other for eternity. I was a bit of a wild child in my late teens and I feel my own stirrings again now. To me sexual fidelity was never the grounds for a strong and happy marriage and for the most part we do have a strong and happy marriage; however, I do think sexual activity outside of marriage must not undermine the principal relationship. What then is monogamy? My husband claims to be monogamous in the sense that he loves only me and that our marriage is the most important commitment in his life. All others, and while I neither know a count nor care to, he claims are sexual dalliances to satisfy an urge when he cannot satisfy it with me. Yes this sounds very tidy.
What of her? What of Mrs. Portugal and the spectre of a son. Has he created a new family? He will tell me she is just like any other except me, and that yes she has been more frequent but this stems from the fact that he encountered her more often in his workplace. He will tell me I have no fear of threat from her and that he would never seek to replace what we have. She is my OW nemeses and the source of my agitation. I had her removed from his office.
We are not a marriage without problems or concerns, but we are not a marriage devastated by an affair either. My husband is my husband in every sense of that word except that he takes outside lovers. In ancient times or perhaps more recently even this would be seen as the order of the day and passed over for no concern. There will be many who will deride me, or condemn me, or see me as part of the problem because in their minds this situation is untenable. It is not untenable for me. Does this make me wrong or weak? Would I be stronger if I divorced and the lives of our children were sent into disarray? Do not believe for a moment that I would never divorce if I felt I must, or that I will not stand up for the needs and well-being of my daughters. I truly and deeply love my husband. I know him for who he is and I can accept where we are at today. One day he may have to justify his actions to our daughters and they will make their own minds of it, but if this happens it will be of his own doing.
I am watchful. I am careful. I am also happy and in love. I am also not the other woman. I am the real woman.
This group or concept of the OW (other woman) and NOW (not other woman) is one of a few things that once took me to experience project through various Google searches and now brings me here. It’s why I hope setting up a profile will help me discover more about me, others like me and how we live with our partners cheating.
I’ve read an abundance of stories in the NOW group and in the OW group between here, the old experience project and some online forums. It seems we have an opposition to each other, or at least a contest. I don’t make light of this and I understand for so many woman it speaks directly to their sense of worth and well-being individually, in the family, and perhaps subconsciously to their need to care for and protect their children. It also speaks to our confidence in ourselves and our ability to be someone who can attract our husbands. I must confess that I do not understand fully the desires of another woman to poach or of the husband to wander, and yet I do understand it is human nature to look and desire. I also understand that this behaviour is not uncommon, has existed for as long as the institution of marriage, and will continue to do so for at least as long as its competitor does.
I am a mother of three girls with a man whom I deeply love. I am the real woman in this triangle, or square, or polygon as it may be, and my husband does wander.
I can hear the champions of NOW calling to me as I write this. “Leave the scumbag.” Unfortunately, or fortunately perhaps, I do not see him as a scumbag. I have heard other women in the past state that they share, and so now I hear the champions of the OW calling also. I do not share of my own decision; however, on some level I have accepted that I share him. I will confess that in the past my husband and I have shared other women together, but that is not the nature of the situation today. Today he wanders alone, I know he does it, and I do not apparently oppose it in force.
Please hear me out. I understand what a polarizing issue this can be. The options to us often seem to be the bad and the worse. I can live in a false marriage, I can be miserable, or I can break it off and divorce causing still endless damage to me and my children until one day maybe everyone tires of carrying torches for hatred and anger and turns it instead to quiet submerged bitter grudges which eat at our psyche for the rest of our lives. I also have been interested to read how many women have been able to set aside the infidelity and rebuild a new relationship with their husbands.
Now some about my husband, whom I suspect many of you, will learn to hate here.
He is thirteen years older than I. He travels the globe weekly for business to many locations but most often to his European office in Lisbon. We have three girls at ages twelve, nine and seven. I believe he may have fathered a son in Portugal. He has a persistent and varied sexual appetite. I know he has made use of courtesans and prostitutes while away before. I believe he has been involved in an ongoing affair with a woman in Portugal who at one time worked in his offices there. Is he evil now?
He is the perfect father to our children when he is home and sends them messages often while he is away. He also video calls us all regularly. He encourages everything the girls do and actively supports them in their activities. He is our eldest daughter’s biggest fan while she is on the football field, our middle daughter’s constant support while horseback riding, and our youngest’ s proud recipient of a constant stream of artwork.
He is my husband. He is my lover. He is my friend and confidant and when he is with me nothing he does could ever conjure the image of another in my mind. When he is with me I am his everything and I genuinely feel as though I am his only. I know that I am not.
I recently watched a video of a presentation by a woman about affairs and infidelity and monogamy. I have never been completely convinced of the fact that two people can be the only sexual interests of each other for eternity. I was a bit of a wild child in my late teens and I feel my own stirrings again now. To me sexual fidelity was never the grounds for a strong and happy marriage and for the most part we do have a strong and happy marriage; however, I do think sexual activity outside of marriage must not undermine the principal relationship. What then is monogamy? My husband claims to be monogamous in the sense that he loves only me and that our marriage is the most important commitment in his life. All others, and while I neither know a count nor care to, he claims are sexual dalliances to satisfy an urge when he cannot satisfy it with me. Yes this sounds very tidy.
What of her? What of Mrs. Portugal and the spectre of a son. Has he created a new family? He will tell me she is just like any other except me, and that yes she has been more frequent but this stems from the fact that he encountered her more often in his workplace. He will tell me I have no fear of threat from her and that he would never seek to replace what we have. She is my OW nemeses and the source of my agitation. I had her removed from his office.
We are not a marriage without problems or concerns, but we are not a marriage devastated by an affair either. My husband is my husband in every sense of that word except that he takes outside lovers. In ancient times or perhaps more recently even this would be seen as the order of the day and passed over for no concern. There will be many who will deride me, or condemn me, or see me as part of the problem because in their minds this situation is untenable. It is not untenable for me. Does this make me wrong or weak? Would I be stronger if I divorced and the lives of our children were sent into disarray? Do not believe for a moment that I would never divorce if I felt I must, or that I will not stand up for the needs and well-being of my daughters. I truly and deeply love my husband. I know him for who he is and I can accept where we are at today. One day he may have to justify his actions to our daughters and they will make their own minds of it, but if this happens it will be of his own doing.
I am watchful. I am careful. I am also happy and in love. I am also not the other woman. I am the real woman.