I Have a Mental Illness

I don't know what to do. I'm so sad. I feel so alone. I have severe anxiety depression and PTSD. I haven't been on any medication for about a year and a half due to pregnancy/breastfeeding (I know there are some that are considered safe but I don't want to rush anything going to my daughter). Anyways. I battle with extreme self hate and I am constantly worrying about my relationship. I always feel like I'm not enough even though my fiance does his best to prove otherwise. I worry so much it causes fights. I worry he will cheat on me or leave me. He's not that type of person and I know he loves me. I know he'd not cheat on me. But I worry about these things constantly. Maybe it's because of what he wants? Before me he was in a poly relationship. And so we agreed that we'd try to find another girl for the both of us to be with. We have "rules" we both set. And we aren't in a big rush. He's fine with it being 2 years before we find anyone. So I keep wondering if im so worried because I know he wants other women? It bothers me that he checks other women out. I know it shouldn't because I agreed that it was okay. But I don't know how to stop myself from worrying and getting upset. I end up having a panic attack alot of times from just thinking about what could happen or me not being enough.i compare myself to other women all the time and beat myself up over not being pretty enough or having the perfect body. My fiance tries telling me I'm beautiful but I don't think I am. I'm just really insecure and feel lost. I want to be more confident. And I want to stop worrying so much about my fiance cheating because I have a good man and I know he's not that type to cheat. But then next thing you know I'm starting a fight and being nosy trying to find proof of him cheating or something. 😭

OldSoul11 · 56-60, M

Hi, I cant begin to understand what you are going through or have gone through, but i have raised two daughters that have had their share of issues, we are pretty close and we share in each others lives as best we can even though they live on their own now. My oldest just told me the other day that she remembers me telling her many times to stop being so hard on herself about everything, also to let relationships become what they may, its impossible to do everything right in a relationship and trying to hard makes it worse, the simplest things to do are to give the other person all the reasons to love you (even if its just trust) and only one reason not to love you, whatever that may be. Oh, and i believe telling someone, even a stranger, that everything is going to be ok, always gives a person a split second of hope for a better future, so to you young stranger...Everything is going to be ok. Peace and Love from an Oldsoul.

QueenOfAnxiety · 26-30, F

@OldSoul11 thank you so much for your reply, its much appreciated. And thats great advice. I will keep that in mind. Usually in the moment though when I'm over-worrying and such and try thinking positive and combatting the negativity I'm never able to win. The negativity always wins and I just don't know how to change that. Thank you so much for your kind words!