I Have a Mental Illness

I hate how depression and anxiety rules my life. It makes me shut people out because I feel like a burden to them, especially when I'm having an episode. I hate how tight my chest feels, how loud my heartbeat is, how the tears stream down my face. I can't look into the mirror without seeing a monster staring back. I need constant reassurance that my life matters, and always the thought that people would be better off without me comes creeping in. How can I feel so empty and so lonely when I'm surrounded by so many people that love me?