I Am At Peace With Who And What I Am
Today I am at peace.
I remember last year at this time. I was a mess. Something had happened and I was devastated. I went through the motions, but I was in so much pain emotionally.
Today I am in such a different place, but in more ways than one. I have learned that peace is in me and I let others steal it away from me. My heart feels whole and just at peace. I love so many people and so many people have hurt me. Some have done it intentionally and some continue, but I have started cutting people out of my lives no matter who they are. I could not afford to lose myself any longer. I have also learn to appreciate the people in my lives that love me for who I am, unconditionally.
Once a few years ago, I started this walk on self discovery and I found something so powerful for me. You see my mother hated me. She was a very jealous woman and I became the other woman in her eyes (as a baby, toddler, child, teenager and finally woman) and she made sure that i knew how she felt about me. She felt threatened that my father loved me as his daughter, but in her eyes, someone was taking him away from her. I never understood how a mother could hate her own child. So I was dealing with some things I had just found out when I came across this saying: "One of God's greatest gifts to me is myself." This helped me to see that there is clutter all around me. There will always be people that will not like me, but who cares. I am ok. I like me. I am a gift and I know how to be loving, kind, giving, nurturing, passionate, compassionate, and my list goes on and on. In many ways, I am grateful to my mother, because if it would not have been for her treatment of me, I would not know life on a deeper level and know myself.
It's taken a long time to get here and it was painful. Many tears, fetal position moments, sadness, greiving and then acceptance, awareness and finally peace.
I am not saying I won't have more moments like this again, but I have learned that I can get through it. In the end, I am responsible for myself.
So my goal, is that one day I will find that special person to be in my life for the rest of my life and add to my life and I add to his. It is so close......but since it has not happened yet, that means that I have a few other things to work on.
I remember last year at this time. I was a mess. Something had happened and I was devastated. I went through the motions, but I was in so much pain emotionally.
Today I am in such a different place, but in more ways than one. I have learned that peace is in me and I let others steal it away from me. My heart feels whole and just at peace. I love so many people and so many people have hurt me. Some have done it intentionally and some continue, but I have started cutting people out of my lives no matter who they are. I could not afford to lose myself any longer. I have also learn to appreciate the people in my lives that love me for who I am, unconditionally.
Once a few years ago, I started this walk on self discovery and I found something so powerful for me. You see my mother hated me. She was a very jealous woman and I became the other woman in her eyes (as a baby, toddler, child, teenager and finally woman) and she made sure that i knew how she felt about me. She felt threatened that my father loved me as his daughter, but in her eyes, someone was taking him away from her. I never understood how a mother could hate her own child. So I was dealing with some things I had just found out when I came across this saying: "One of God's greatest gifts to me is myself." This helped me to see that there is clutter all around me. There will always be people that will not like me, but who cares. I am ok. I like me. I am a gift and I know how to be loving, kind, giving, nurturing, passionate, compassionate, and my list goes on and on. In many ways, I am grateful to my mother, because if it would not have been for her treatment of me, I would not know life on a deeper level and know myself.
It's taken a long time to get here and it was painful. Many tears, fetal position moments, sadness, greiving and then acceptance, awareness and finally peace.
I am not saying I won't have more moments like this again, but I have learned that I can get through it. In the end, I am responsible for myself.
So my goal, is that one day I will find that special person to be in my life for the rest of my life and add to my life and I add to his. It is so close......but since it has not happened yet, that means that I have a few other things to work on.
