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I Am a Hedonist

Well, I'm not a practicing hedonist any longer. But I used to be, a lifetime ago. Pleasure was my highest pursuit.

Then I became a lawyer, and winning a case was my highest and best use.

Then I was diagnosed with M.S. Which changed how I looked at the world. A happy ending was no longer assumed. The future became cloudy. My life became a crap shoot. A random sequence of unintended consequences. The meaning of life - or what gave my life meaning? No idea. Certainly not practicing law. That was my livelihood, not my calling.

Then my mother died. She spent her final days in a hospice. I was so impressed by the care given and consideration for not only the dying, but also those left behind, that I volunteered to work there.

And there I was given a sobering perspective. I looked at all the patients, and found one common denominator. In their final hours, all they wanted was to spend time with those whom they had their strongest mortal connection. Everything else was surplusage. Nonessential. Of no essence.

And now, that is what I value the most. Those very few real connections I have formed with others at the level of the heart. If you are one of those few people, you already know that.
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(((hugs)))

All I know is that, I pray everyday that I will go quickly, without having to think about whether I am alone/lonely in my final moment or not.

Love you dear Mark.
@Soossie The process of dying is really quite amazing. A sacred moment to be with someone when they ... just ... leave. There are signs that the body is wrapping things up. It's helpful to have a guide to explain that what seems disturbing is just a natural process of closing up shop.

My mom was fighting to stay in this world. She wanted to wait until my brother arrived from Boston. But her body was not cooperating. I told her it was alright for her to leave. That she would be in our hearts forever. A single tear came rolling down her cheek. And then she was gone.

And I was numb.
Oh my God!! Thank you for sharing an emotional moment like that...

I remember one of my bankscustomer, whose Son just became aphysician, and who had a severe cancer, was fighting everyone and even life itself, to take his Son to Germany, to have him treated, without realizing that his son was ready to go physically, but his mind wanted to wait for his mom to accept that there was no use of treatment.... they even had to take him out of the plane before taking off to Germany because he felt so sick...

I took her hand once, and I asked her to help his son to leave peacefully and in calm by accepting his death and by letting him know that she would be ok after him, understanding his death....

She cried a lot... a lot... a lot in my arms and next time I saw her, she told me as soon as she talked to his son, his son kissed her hands and passed away.... she said it was a relief to know that his son was not in pain anymore...

I have found out that It is usually easier for the dying to accept death than those Around them.