I Want to Disappear

Here I Am Again...... Again at home
Its 9:30 late at night
With 2 options run away and smoke maybe come back later
Keep sitting here feel my tears running down my cheeks
Listening to some depressing music
Watching videos of people cutting them self, suicide ect..
looking into the dark wondering why I am still here
I have nothing to give to others
Being ignored by everyone around me
Knowing monday is around the corner where I have to sit alone seeing others have fun and talking to each other
Knowing im an outcast for life
A loner with no purpose
I just want it all to end, feeling and my life in all