The Passion, the love and being best friends - It was not enough!
It's been a month now. I have handled this well I believe. I finally had no choice but to just let him know that I could no longer continue. We were together for almost 7 years. We never lived together and it was long distance but we made it work. In the beginning, I was at his house for a few days at a time. The passion was undeniable. I know without a doubt that we experienced passion in ways neither of us had. He shared with me once that his married life was "wham bam" missionary every time. He realized with me, I am not that way. Passion is meant to be explored in many ways, different locations, different times, and to have spontaneity to explore each other. What an amazing experience. Numerous times, his friends would make fun of him because they said that they could tell I could not keep my hands off him. He took it all in stride. The story was that he had a hot woman, dressed in hot dresses and stilettos that would sit by him and her hands would start touching him. I know he loved that story.
In my thoughts, I thought the passion and intense chemistry would keep us going. In our process, we learned to become best friends. I am missing him and our numerous phone calls. I miss my morning phone calls, my lunch phone calls and my good night calls. I miss it all. It has been an adjustment but I know I did the right thing.
I will move forward and I know that I have to let him go. Not only by saying it, but my heart must let him go, my mind, my spirit... He could not see what he had. I know he loves me, he just didn't see his worth nor could he see that a woman like me could love him.
This is the first time in my life that I said: "Know that no matter what, I love you and I will miss you, but I have to break up with you." and he's reply to me was: "I love you too. I know." I always wondered when I saw a movie where two people claimed to love each other but were breaking up, I would think, why do they not make it work. They have love ......... and I now have experienced it.
There has been and will be pain, sadness, and grief, but I know there is also a learning lesson in all this. I must move on. I hope to find what we had and my fear is that I won't BUT I know I can't let fear hold me back. I have to remove the fear and open my heart and mind for what is to come ......after some healing.
In my thoughts, I thought the passion and intense chemistry would keep us going. In our process, we learned to become best friends. I am missing him and our numerous phone calls. I miss my morning phone calls, my lunch phone calls and my good night calls. I miss it all. It has been an adjustment but I know I did the right thing.
I will move forward and I know that I have to let him go. Not only by saying it, but my heart must let him go, my mind, my spirit... He could not see what he had. I know he loves me, he just didn't see his worth nor could he see that a woman like me could love him.
This is the first time in my life that I said: "Know that no matter what, I love you and I will miss you, but I have to break up with you." and he's reply to me was: "I love you too. I know." I always wondered when I saw a movie where two people claimed to love each other but were breaking up, I would think, why do they not make it work. They have love ......... and I now have experienced it.
There has been and will be pain, sadness, and grief, but I know there is also a learning lesson in all this. I must move on. I hope to find what we had and my fear is that I won't BUT I know I can't let fear hold me back. I have to remove the fear and open my heart and mind for what is to come ......after some healing.
