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I Will Not Be Involved With Toxic People

Extract from the book by Ben Stein : How to ruin your life.

TREAT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BAD TO YOU WELL.
That's right. They'll soon change and be really,really good to you. Maybe.But whether they do or not,lets be honest about this: Some weird urge in you tells you to knuckle under and treat the people who are bad to you REALLY well. In some way you can't quite explain right now,the people who treat you like dirt will greatly enrich your life somewhere down the road if you just treat them really nicely,preferably ignoring those who were good to you in the process.
The gal who two timed you when you were madly in love with her? Buy her jewelry. The agent who promised you he'd get your deal done and then slept on the job? Forget about it. He'll be really useful to you one day,so give him a flat screen colour TV. Treating the real creeps in your life gives you a lot of satisfaction and is actually a stress reliever. So keep doing it. It will pay off immensely,in the way that allowing yourself to be dumped on by bad people always does!
This is a mystery,but it's a good mystery: When you treat people who show you contempt with nothing but respect....You'll find that you will end up being a happy guy or doll. Someday.
Ben Stein.

I must say that I have been guilty of that myself,coming from a family of bullies and thinking,hoping that if I was really nice to them they would quit being trolls and start showing me some affection,well, it never happened, the more you try to please,the less respect you'll get and sadly you carry that attitude out in the big wide world where you soon become the target off bullies and confidence tricksters.

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Mukwah

I am having that issue with a sister of mine. She has been a Troll for a long time. My husband nicknamed her Troll. it is fitting. Her husband just padded away 3 weeks ago. She got mad at me for something I said at the hospital. That was meant in a light hearted way. I called to apologize to her and she ripped me a new one over the phone and wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise. she started talking about shoot that never happened. and she started talking about slights that never happened like not having the two down for dinner. and how I hurt her husband very deeply by that. we were told by her on several occasions he could not spend any length of time here cause we have birds, cats and dogs and that works exacerbate his lung condition.

I know she is grieving but she had ripped on my husband and I several times. Several times I have been her verbal whipping post. I told her that we need to go to a third party is we are too get our lives and our communication skills back on track. She told me I was the one with the problem not her and she sees no reason to pay a third party. that we should sit down and talk about it ourselves.

my cousin recently called to say my sister sent her a scathing email through Facebook. For one comment my cousin made about her niece's behavior. that was appropriate in nature. my cousin sent me a copy of it and it was dreadfully acidic. I was even surprised at the content.

if I could akin my sisters attributes to anything it would be the dementors in Harry Potter. I will see her at family functions in the spring. How do I deal with her with out being a doormat and with out alienating the rest of my family of origin?

berangere · 80-89, F

Your family is dysfunctional like mine was,it only takes one or two mean spirited people in the family to poison the well,so to speak.My sister is a narcissist who caused me a great deal of grief.Like your sister she took everything the wrong way,just because she enjoyed causing trouble and was constantly trying to discredit me.I have not seen her for over three decades,but she is still trashing me,if what one of my nieces,who is not much better,has told me is true and she is 86 years old! I do not think much can be done to put a dysfunctional a family to right,unless the people recognise there is a problem and agree to attend therapy,but sadly what cause dysfunction is a lack of insight caused by psychological problems and personality desorders.You have my sympathy! I now live at the other end of the world but the sad memories still haunt me.

IFoundYourDiary

how in the heck OLD are you!???

berangere · 80-89, F

You can read my age quite easily,if you think things should be got over after an allotted time,you have the wrong end of the stick,it is more complicated than you think.

IFoundYourDiary

nonononono !!!!! I am a victim..I know what the effects of a narcissistic arrogant manipulative know it all can leave...I I'm talking about how old you are you said you had a nice that was 86 that would leave you going on close to a hundred lol

berangere · 80-89, F

No, my "sister" so called is 86,she is 15 years older then me and could have ben a mum to me, but chose to be a bitch instead,my mother abused her quite a lot and she took it out on me because she was afraid of our mother and like all cowards she took her bitterness out on someone who could not fight back.