I Am Lost, I Am Lost In My Mind, My Emotions, My Feelings
I've always told myself that I ever get too fed up with life I can kill myself, and I searched up ways to do it. If I kill myself I want to make sure that I don't come back. I think that if I can't make myself feel better soon, or if things are looking too down after I graduate and make people happy enough I can kill myself. Then I hear the people around me saying that they want to kill themselves, that they really just want to kill themselves sometimes. I should say "No, life is beautiful, you have so much to live for" but I too see why it would "feel" better to die than it would to stay alive. I want to tell them "No don't think like that" but I think like that. I think that if the going gets too tough if I can't beat my depression then I will let the darkness swallow me. Is it ok to bond over our mutual craving for the end of our lives? Can I say "Shit, I think about killing myself all the time too". I wish life was as simple as the movies and all we would have to say is "Life is beautiful..." and some other seemingly insightful stuff about life that would make the other person feel better.
That is never how it works, the depression persists. The wanting to kill myself continues. I keep my secrets to myself, as selfish? thoughts run through my mind. Its weird because I think, in my family, in my life, nothing big has happened in while. I get so nervous that a day is coming where something horrible will happen. Will it happen before I kill myself? Will it happen before that person kills them self. How many people will I have to see die in my life, how many people will be there when I die
I like to tell myself that I am ok with death but how passive is too passive. What are these feelings of nervousness when other people tell me that they want to die? Do I just not care enough for my life. Its always so easy to see the positives in other people's lives. It hurts to see other people letting their lives fall apart. I let my life hang by a thread but why does it hurt to see people attempting to cut the thin thread of their own life. Thinking about death always gets me mixed up in the head. Its one of those experiences that after you have it you can't come back and tell anyone about it
That is never how it works, the depression persists. The wanting to kill myself continues. I keep my secrets to myself, as selfish? thoughts run through my mind. Its weird because I think, in my family, in my life, nothing big has happened in while. I get so nervous that a day is coming where something horrible will happen. Will it happen before I kill myself? Will it happen before that person kills them self. How many people will I have to see die in my life, how many people will be there when I die
I like to tell myself that I am ok with death but how passive is too passive. What are these feelings of nervousness when other people tell me that they want to die? Do I just not care enough for my life. Its always so easy to see the positives in other people's lives. It hurts to see other people letting their lives fall apart. I let my life hang by a thread but why does it hurt to see people attempting to cut the thin thread of their own life. Thinking about death always gets me mixed up in the head. Its one of those experiences that after you have it you can't come back and tell anyone about it
