I Am Lost, I Am Lost In My Mind, My Emotions, My Feelings
It gets annoying.
I think, it's gone.
I feel good
But then I turn around and all of this emotion that I thought I had bottled up is towering over me.
This is what happens when I force myself to get out of my shell. I try and I know to get over the things holding me back I have to just push through all the pain. I need to experience the things that I have let hurt me the most and just push past it but sometimes its so hard to stop that negative voice in my head.
When I apply for jobs it just comes back saying,
you can't do that
that description does not fit you
they'll fire you on the second day, once they see the real you.
Why would you even try to apply for something like that
When I talk to people,
You say that they're gonna hate you.
look like that and they're gonna hate you
talk too much or too little and they're gonna hate you
Don't say that, no ones gonna respond to something that stupid.
Just in general
That's not gonna work out
Why are you trying to wear that you know you look like shit
You know this is a going to fail
Might as well just not go.
You should just quit, we can already see the bad ending. Save yourself
And I wonder why do the emotions come as they do. I was feeling good but then I woke up this morning so heavy and just didn't want to get out of bed.
I have been listening to a lot of videos to help change my mindset. And I know that every day is just a battle with my thoughts. But sometimes everything feels sooo heavy. Moving a leg, getting out of bed, turning on the light, making breakfast, eating, laying back down.
Everything kinda just feels like a chore. I know its just me. I know I shouldn't complain. I know I should just get up and make things better. This cycle of self-hate and self-loathing is getting me nowhere. But sometimes it comes back so strong it just floors me.
Its all about attitude, I just have to fake positivity until it comes true. But there's also the idea that you should accept all emotions and there's no point faking emotions because then you don't learn how to deal with the lows. I'm just kinda feeling low and confused about how to move forward right now.
I wonder if its just cause I looked at an old picture of myself. I start feeling physical sickness and discomfort from looking at old pictures sometimes. I think I got rid of all of them but then I turn around and another one is staring me in the face.
I just need to remember to breath and think about stuff. Don't just let it pile up. Cause I wanna get places. I have realized it's my negative emotions that are holding me back. I just wonder what I could've done if I didn't let my feelings about people, things, or events hold me back. I wonder where I would be.
I think, it's gone.
I feel good
But then I turn around and all of this emotion that I thought I had bottled up is towering over me.
This is what happens when I force myself to get out of my shell. I try and I know to get over the things holding me back I have to just push through all the pain. I need to experience the things that I have let hurt me the most and just push past it but sometimes its so hard to stop that negative voice in my head.
When I apply for jobs it just comes back saying,
you can't do that
that description does not fit you
they'll fire you on the second day, once they see the real you.
Why would you even try to apply for something like that
When I talk to people,
You say that they're gonna hate you.
look like that and they're gonna hate you
talk too much or too little and they're gonna hate you
Don't say that, no ones gonna respond to something that stupid.
Just in general
That's not gonna work out
Why are you trying to wear that you know you look like shit
You know this is a going to fail
Might as well just not go.
You should just quit, we can already see the bad ending. Save yourself
And I wonder why do the emotions come as they do. I was feeling good but then I woke up this morning so heavy and just didn't want to get out of bed.
I have been listening to a lot of videos to help change my mindset. And I know that every day is just a battle with my thoughts. But sometimes everything feels sooo heavy. Moving a leg, getting out of bed, turning on the light, making breakfast, eating, laying back down.
Everything kinda just feels like a chore. I know its just me. I know I shouldn't complain. I know I should just get up and make things better. This cycle of self-hate and self-loathing is getting me nowhere. But sometimes it comes back so strong it just floors me.
Its all about attitude, I just have to fake positivity until it comes true. But there's also the idea that you should accept all emotions and there's no point faking emotions because then you don't learn how to deal with the lows. I'm just kinda feeling low and confused about how to move forward right now.
I wonder if its just cause I looked at an old picture of myself. I start feeling physical sickness and discomfort from looking at old pictures sometimes. I think I got rid of all of them but then I turn around and another one is staring me in the face.
I just need to remember to breath and think about stuff. Don't just let it pile up. Cause I wanna get places. I have realized it's my negative emotions that are holding me back. I just wonder what I could've done if I didn't let my feelings about people, things, or events hold me back. I wonder where I would be.
