I Am Lost, I Am Lost In My Mind, My Emotions, My Feelings

I've done so much.

I started from nothing and I ended up getting a job, car, and a place to live.
I learned how to cook by myself. I learned how to be an adult and take care of bills.
A lot of the things I didn't do as a kid I do now.
I walk every guest of my house to their car. I make sure to say please and thank you. I make sure to get chores done before I relax.
I learned manual car because it was the only option I had after I totaled my other car.
I go to work even if I'm no feeling well. I go to work even if I didn't sleep well. Before I had a car I would walk to work even in the pouring rain.
And yet.
Despite all the great things. I feel like I'm missing something.
It's like I know I don't need anyone. But I want someone to wake up next to. I want someone to talk to about my day.
I want someone to watch movies with or go hiking with.
I just want someone.

But everyone I find leaves. Or I become too much for them because I don't put up with anything.

And I find myself drinking and smoking more than I ever have before. And I'm tired of it.
And I don't know what to do.
But I won't give up it's not an option. But I'm waiting.
Wondering.

When is it my time to shine?
When is Mr. Right coming?