I Am Lost, I Am Lost In My Mind, My Emotions, My Feelings
Wow, I haven't had a crush in so long, its like a foreign emotion now.
I isolated myself all summer from humanity, and for a long time from people in general. But now I got a new job and (I fall in too deep and too fast though it been years) now I have this crush on the guy thats training me. Im sure it because hes nice to me, and I know that he is nice to me because he is training me and he is one of those guys that is nice to everyone but oh well it happened.
I forgot how it felt to long to see someone you like. Then how great it feels to see that person after such a long time. And how talking to them can just makes you so happy. Being away from them can tear you so far down. My poetry is positive and light hearted again but in the same moment my mind is battling all my insecurities saying its ok to like him, its ok. Im just so used to building all these walls around my heart trying in vein to block emotions from coming in and from going out. Its crazy how one person can just peak over those walls I built and make them shatter (when it wasn't even their intention).
It feels so nice to be around the person you have a crush on. Just them smiling can send your heart into a panic and a simple compliment can make you heart melt and if your like me , make your knees shake.
Its such a foreign feeling, I haven't had a crush in so long. I feel like i should be past the age of crushing and on to the age of flirt but unlike others the awkwardness of pubescent teen years NEVER went away (and my boobs never grew like my mom told me they would, i mean what is puberty even for but thats another story...).
Its ok to like someone. Just thinking of them makes you happy. It feels good to have a crush but at the same time it really is a crushing feeling because they are a crush and being with them you feel like you have them but when they are away from you it like you don't have them and it pains you but then you talk to them and it like "good bye stress".
Then even more to that over here in my mind im freaking out at EVERYTHING he does, my mind has been ransacked and I wonder does my presence affect you as much as yours affects me, cause that would be great if these feeling were mutual.
Ah, this is what a crush is, hahaha, just obsessing over someone, who you will never have? I feel like hes out of my league in so many ways and man it would hurt like HELL to hear someone ever say again "I don't like black girls"😭. Just thinking about that again! Its ok to like him, is what I keep telling myself but my immedaite reflex is to start trying to build up those walls again to keep from getting hurt. Though the truth is he may never find out.
I just gotta keep telling myself, that its ok to like someone, its ok to have a crush, its ok to let your emotions be at the will of someones actions (??? maybe not).
But anyways, It really has been a long time since I had a crush.
Anyways if you made it to the end of this thanks for reading . It always feels good to get stuff like this off your chest.😤
I isolated myself all summer from humanity, and for a long time from people in general. But now I got a new job and (I fall in too deep and too fast though it been years) now I have this crush on the guy thats training me. Im sure it because hes nice to me, and I know that he is nice to me because he is training me and he is one of those guys that is nice to everyone but oh well it happened.
I forgot how it felt to long to see someone you like. Then how great it feels to see that person after such a long time. And how talking to them can just makes you so happy. Being away from them can tear you so far down. My poetry is positive and light hearted again but in the same moment my mind is battling all my insecurities saying its ok to like him, its ok. Im just so used to building all these walls around my heart trying in vein to block emotions from coming in and from going out. Its crazy how one person can just peak over those walls I built and make them shatter (when it wasn't even their intention).
It feels so nice to be around the person you have a crush on. Just them smiling can send your heart into a panic and a simple compliment can make you heart melt and if your like me , make your knees shake.
Its such a foreign feeling, I haven't had a crush in so long. I feel like i should be past the age of crushing and on to the age of flirt but unlike others the awkwardness of pubescent teen years NEVER went away (and my boobs never grew like my mom told me they would, i mean what is puberty even for but thats another story...).
Its ok to like someone. Just thinking of them makes you happy. It feels good to have a crush but at the same time it really is a crushing feeling because they are a crush and being with them you feel like you have them but when they are away from you it like you don't have them and it pains you but then you talk to them and it like "good bye stress".
Then even more to that over here in my mind im freaking out at EVERYTHING he does, my mind has been ransacked and I wonder does my presence affect you as much as yours affects me, cause that would be great if these feeling were mutual.
Ah, this is what a crush is, hahaha, just obsessing over someone, who you will never have? I feel like hes out of my league in so many ways and man it would hurt like HELL to hear someone ever say again "I don't like black girls"😭. Just thinking about that again! Its ok to like him, is what I keep telling myself but my immedaite reflex is to start trying to build up those walls again to keep from getting hurt. Though the truth is he may never find out.
I just gotta keep telling myself, that its ok to like someone, its ok to have a crush, its ok to let your emotions be at the will of someones actions (??? maybe not).
But anyways, It really has been a long time since I had a crush.
Anyways if you made it to the end of this thanks for reading . It always feels good to get stuff like this off your chest.😤
