I Wish All Friends Were Forever Friends
I made a mistake. I took a chance. I sent a copy of my Featured story here to a friend. Big mistake. I've known her since 1987 but...now she is not talking to me. It really hurts.
It's obvious now that she is probably someone who could not read that story without some sort of trouble or potential trouble coming into her life. Being ghosted (is that the right word?) like this is painful.
Having someone I've liked for years suddenly refuse to speak to you, no explanation, makes me feel slightly crazy. It's kind of like you are permanently losing a friend with no sense of closure. When someone dies, it is sad, but you know what happened and that you will never see them again; you don't usually mourn their loss with guilt, confusion, and (in this case) some fear.
Those of you who've read my Featured story will understand why I might feel some fear about such a strong negative reaction to my story.
Now I find myself wondering who my friend really was. Or whether we were ever really friends to begin with. Or was she just another acquaintance posing as a friend, sent into my life by my late mother (who was alive and well and busy sabotaging my career efforts and my life in general back in the 1980s when this woman and I first met)? I've known a few of such people over the years, but really thought she was probably not one of them. Now I am not sure.
It's been humiliating. I've written repeated emails and left several phone messages.
So now it's time to let go, time to accept the truth; I have lost a friend. Or maybe we were never really friends to begin with, and it's time for me to face it. And the worst part is that I will probably never be able to sort it out or ever really know what happened. For my own safety, I will have to figure out how to assume the worst while not amping up too much anxiety. Without knowing anything.
I guess I'm posting this here in order to vent some of the feelings I'm having--sadness, humiliation, confusion, fear, even some anger over her doing this or allowing someone else to order her to do this--and I am hoping writing these words here will help me create the closure this situation demands yet does not provide.
It's obvious now that she is probably someone who could not read that story without some sort of trouble or potential trouble coming into her life. Being ghosted (is that the right word?) like this is painful.
Having someone I've liked for years suddenly refuse to speak to you, no explanation, makes me feel slightly crazy. It's kind of like you are permanently losing a friend with no sense of closure. When someone dies, it is sad, but you know what happened and that you will never see them again; you don't usually mourn their loss with guilt, confusion, and (in this case) some fear.
Those of you who've read my Featured story will understand why I might feel some fear about such a strong negative reaction to my story.
Now I find myself wondering who my friend really was. Or whether we were ever really friends to begin with. Or was she just another acquaintance posing as a friend, sent into my life by my late mother (who was alive and well and busy sabotaging my career efforts and my life in general back in the 1980s when this woman and I first met)? I've known a few of such people over the years, but really thought she was probably not one of them. Now I am not sure.
It's been humiliating. I've written repeated emails and left several phone messages.
So now it's time to let go, time to accept the truth; I have lost a friend. Or maybe we were never really friends to begin with, and it's time for me to face it. And the worst part is that I will probably never be able to sort it out or ever really know what happened. For my own safety, I will have to figure out how to assume the worst while not amping up too much anxiety. Without knowing anything.
I guess I'm posting this here in order to vent some of the feelings I'm having--sadness, humiliation, confusion, fear, even some anger over her doing this or allowing someone else to order her to do this--and I am hoping writing these words here will help me create the closure this situation demands yet does not provide.
70-79, F
