I can relate about the lack of emotional support from parents. Giving me money and driving me to places was their way of showing they care about me. I'm 27 years old and also Asian, specifically I’m Asian American because I was born and raised in the United States. I don't want to reveal my ethnicity so I won’t because I don’t want to give too much away about myself. I became an adult to my parents when I made my own decisions by myself (I cook my food, wake up, go to school, do my laundry, do my homework, decide my college major and career choice, buy my own groceries, and own a checking account and debit card for myself and drive myself to places). I don’t know how you are. I was an independent, self-reliant, go-getter as a kid, teenager, and youth, and still am as an adult. When I want something, I make it happen. I can only imagine your situation. I’m saying this as a way for you to be someone who wants it bad enough to change yourself. You can’t change your parents. You know that how they were raised is why they raise you the way they did and still do. There’s a book called, “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child,” by John Bradshaw. It can help you heal the wounds from your past by allowing you to express your pain (to release it) and be a parent you needed (when you were a baby, toddler, child, and teenager) to your “younger self.” The patterns we learned in the past is bound to repeat by showing up in our present if we never deal with our unfinished business. There are probably other books available that deal with emotional abuse, emotional neglect, childhood trauma, or other topics that best match your problem. You can search for them. In addition, if I haven’t already said so, you have to give yourself the things you wanted your parents to give you—give yourself emotional support, allow yourself to express your emotions, be proud of yourself and believe you’re enough, be secure with yourself, don’t judge or compare yourself with others, lift yourself up, believe in your positive qualities, and say no to your parents if they tell you to do something then don’t do what they told you to do. It takes work and it will feel unnatural at first, but you can do anything.
