Loving someone with a mood disorder is hard
I feel completely in a haze, and it sucks. I have little motivation to do anything except sleep, but I can't sleep because I am too busy with work, relationship issues, and other responsibilities. I would say it's like depression, except I am seriously just so exhausted. I still feel a ton of joy and happiness, etc. Just too tired to get my brain to work, and it's starting to annoy me.
I stayed up all night about 10 days ago talking to someone I deeply care about, and I haven't recovered. Basically, they've been giving me mixed messages. They're the ones initiating and telling me their feelings. I told them I felt the same, and now they're pulling away telling me they're in a bad place and don't know how they feel. They're worried they're going to lose their job and are on a two-week leave because of mental health. They also started a new medication to help with their mood disorder and anxiety.
Basically, they think they only love me when manic :( And when not manic they don't know how they feel :( They said they were being too impulsive when they wanted to drop everything and be with me. They say they recognize the patterns from the past and don't want to put me through all their crazy ups and downs. They want to get to a healthier place first, apparently. It's upsetting, but I can see their perspective. It's just frustrating because they've been doing this "game" or "dance" with me for years only I didn't know it until they told me their feelings last year thinking I had finally cut everything off with the ex. Since I actually have called things off, I decided to be open. Well, now they've gone distant and bottled everything up after finally seeming like they felt it safe enough to want something from me.
I'll admit I wouldn't label whatever it was they wanted. I mean, they've been telling me for a year that they wanted to keep it casual and go slowly. Yet here they were trying to get me to agree that we were a thing. I didn't deny it. I was shy and vulnerable and also open. Now they're suddenly saying that they thought they had been clear about not wanting to make it a thing in the past. Which is true... But they're the ones who were wanting to make it a thing??? Wtf. I can't deal with this kind of ambiguity. They even said as much. They said they don't want to put me through it. I honestly think they wanted reassurance that it was safe to love me, but I can't provide that reassurance if they're suffering from severe mental health issues. It's sad because I could hear how much they loved me when we talked for 5 hours straight. Absolute adoration. I hadn't felt that loved in a long time, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't obsessively crave that connection, especially now that it feels like it's gone.
At the end of the day, I just need to take their word for it, I guess. I just really care about them and think that, no matter what mental health problems someone is going through, it doesn't mean you just give up on them. After all, during that fated night of seeming commitment, they expressed that they have extreme moods and that they wanted to work through it and communicate with me and try to make it work. I guess it's easier said when they're not going through a depressive state... I've reassured them that I'm here for them, but it's like they can't hear me. I'm talking to someone behind a glass screen. I can see them. I can see their suffering and their need to connect and love, but I can't reach them.
The whole situation is unbelievably confusing. It's making it extremely hard to sleep because I'm so confused and stressed out.
TLDR; It's hard to navigate a relationship with someone who has a mood disorder and is pushing me away. When feeling high, they're the most amazing person in the world, but when feeling low, which is far more often, they're distant, conflicted, and like a different person.
I don't know whether to trust who they are when they sound healthy and happy or who they are when they're extremely low, as they basically go along with however they feel during those moments and can't seem to understand their own feelings. I guess I'm just not in a headspace for taking on someone else's mental health issues, even though I want to be :(
I stayed up all night about 10 days ago talking to someone I deeply care about, and I haven't recovered. Basically, they've been giving me mixed messages. They're the ones initiating and telling me their feelings. I told them I felt the same, and now they're pulling away telling me they're in a bad place and don't know how they feel. They're worried they're going to lose their job and are on a two-week leave because of mental health. They also started a new medication to help with their mood disorder and anxiety.
Basically, they think they only love me when manic :( And when not manic they don't know how they feel :( They said they were being too impulsive when they wanted to drop everything and be with me. They say they recognize the patterns from the past and don't want to put me through all their crazy ups and downs. They want to get to a healthier place first, apparently. It's upsetting, but I can see their perspective. It's just frustrating because they've been doing this "game" or "dance" with me for years only I didn't know it until they told me their feelings last year thinking I had finally cut everything off with the ex. Since I actually have called things off, I decided to be open. Well, now they've gone distant and bottled everything up after finally seeming like they felt it safe enough to want something from me.
I'll admit I wouldn't label whatever it was they wanted. I mean, they've been telling me for a year that they wanted to keep it casual and go slowly. Yet here they were trying to get me to agree that we were a thing. I didn't deny it. I was shy and vulnerable and also open. Now they're suddenly saying that they thought they had been clear about not wanting to make it a thing in the past. Which is true... But they're the ones who were wanting to make it a thing??? Wtf. I can't deal with this kind of ambiguity. They even said as much. They said they don't want to put me through it. I honestly think they wanted reassurance that it was safe to love me, but I can't provide that reassurance if they're suffering from severe mental health issues. It's sad because I could hear how much they loved me when we talked for 5 hours straight. Absolute adoration. I hadn't felt that loved in a long time, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't obsessively crave that connection, especially now that it feels like it's gone.
At the end of the day, I just need to take their word for it, I guess. I just really care about them and think that, no matter what mental health problems someone is going through, it doesn't mean you just give up on them. After all, during that fated night of seeming commitment, they expressed that they have extreme moods and that they wanted to work through it and communicate with me and try to make it work. I guess it's easier said when they're not going through a depressive state... I've reassured them that I'm here for them, but it's like they can't hear me. I'm talking to someone behind a glass screen. I can see them. I can see their suffering and their need to connect and love, but I can't reach them.
The whole situation is unbelievably confusing. It's making it extremely hard to sleep because I'm so confused and stressed out.
TLDR; It's hard to navigate a relationship with someone who has a mood disorder and is pushing me away. When feeling high, they're the most amazing person in the world, but when feeling low, which is far more often, they're distant, conflicted, and like a different person.
I don't know whether to trust who they are when they sound healthy and happy or who they are when they're extremely low, as they basically go along with however they feel during those moments and can't seem to understand their own feelings. I guess I'm just not in a headspace for taking on someone else's mental health issues, even though I want to be :(
31-35, T
