I Think I Am A Waste Of Space

@ronisme1 Thanks. i've tried to prove to myself that i'm worthy of occupying space, but it's not going well. i don't say it, i've never said it, but sometimes i don't deserve to eat. i'm not depressed, i'm just accepting reality as it presents itself and i'm not pitying myself, i am instead working really hard on changing that apparent reality. i get upset when people say that i do well, because i can do better and i don't want to be relaxed until i do. And then i talk to you and you tend to tell me what a terrible person i am..sigh.

You are not terrible. I'm trying to tell you that I care and want you to eat to get better. You mentioned your mom. If you could have had her live for another year, wouldn't you have bugged her to stop Smoking? I know you would say yes. I care enough about you to want you around for a long, long time. I'm sorry that I hurt you but I want you to be around for a long time. I want you to care enough to want to be around a long time. I want you to eat. I wont keep pressing on you. You know i care.

@ronisme1 i wouldn't have begged her to stop smoking because by that time i was an adult and i know it would have been too hard for her. When i was a child i asked her to stop several times and she didn't. i knew of the damage it was doing and tried to tell her. she was beginning to cough even with a cigarette in her mouth. There was nothing that would have stopped her from smoking and she wasn't trying.

i am researching and working on changing my habits. My life has recently changed and makes eating almost impossible, but i try to eat when i have enough spare minutes.

And so go ahead and say.. everything is an excuse and ignore all of my efforts and the energy i spend on improving. Anyway, that's what i think everyone does.

You are trying, that's all I wanted to hear. That makes me happy