Well first of all his mother and i were both 16 and troubled high school drop outs when he was born, we were like the poster kids for troubled teens TBH. Smoking, drinking, having promiscuous unprotected sex and all that, secondly his mother abandoned both of us shortly after he was born for another man, and when he dumped her she killed her self in her hotel
Bathtub so not only was he deprived of his mother and his bond with her he grew up never knowing her or even having a mother. I got clean and sober got my ged and went to college but that also took a toll on him cause I was doing all that while raising him and all alone so it made me much stricter and under a lot of stress between 17 and 21 I think I was a lot less emotionally involved with him and more authoritatian towards him, i disciplined him a lot, we did struggle financially for a while till I finally had a breakthrough in my work situation, he was about 11 when that happened tho and ever since he was born I worked a lot of long hours to ensure I could provide him with everything he needed so he rarely ever saw me which I think gave him a lack of security or feeling abandoned cause at the time he was too young to understand our situation, all he knew was daddy's never around, he stopped telling me how he felt and kind of just kept to himself I don't know if it was because I was so strict or because he rarely ever saw me that he doesn't feel safe talking to me but keeping everything bottled up inside he now suffers severe depression and he seems like he refuses to let himseif care about anything. So honestly most of this is in fact my fault and I didn't realize how severe of an effect it had on him till he was about 13 or 14. It's all traced back to the fact I was 16 when he was born, I shouldn't have been the way I was because of that we had a child at an age we couldn't weren't ready to be parent at and I made a lot of mistakes because of raising a child alone at such a young and stupid age and it had a huge effect on him and it's not fair to him, I take 100% accountability but I'm trying to get him help and I just want him to be happy. I do I feel really bad about all of this.
