I Dont Feel Good
Right now there's a weird feeling of what I believe is guilt and a lot of anxiety. Guilt for what, golly I don't know what specifically or even truly. I'm guilty for anything I might mess up at this job I just started the other day, I go back Tuesday. I feel like my friends don't really like my company any more and even though when we do talk it's all completely normal, just substantially less than we used to. We all never see each other. Part of that I'm trying to come to peace with people are just living their lives. We aren't high school students anymore, and we all sleep a lot. This just eats at me.
Maybe that guilt is I feel sick again. I feel the way I had and I think the way I had before. I worked so hard and so long to stop this when I was at school with my counselor and in the last month or so worrying-pile been getting progressively steeper and steeper. It's like I'm climbing Mount Everest and the air keeps getting thinner. What had brought me back down was getting involved in my studies and the social life I had at school which consisted of one of the two friends I mentioned above. And his girlfriend. And the sugar on top of this pathetic social standing was this guy who lived in my dorm stayed in my room some nights. Despite they few involved, I loved it. And now I have none of that. I need a new pattern and it's been difficult to find one.
Maybe that guilt is I feel sick again. I feel the way I had and I think the way I had before. I worked so hard and so long to stop this when I was at school with my counselor and in the last month or so worrying-pile been getting progressively steeper and steeper. It's like I'm climbing Mount Everest and the air keeps getting thinner. What had brought me back down was getting involved in my studies and the social life I had at school which consisted of one of the two friends I mentioned above. And his girlfriend. And the sugar on top of this pathetic social standing was this guy who lived in my dorm stayed in my room some nights. Despite they few involved, I loved it. And now I have none of that. I need a new pattern and it's been difficult to find one.
26-30, M