Fortifying my Boundaries

I'm trying to journal every day about something. This another step toward me learning to love myself. Right now I am trying to reacquaint myself with myself (as stupid as that may sound). I'm currently reading a book called, 'Not Nice' by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. It's a self-help book about becoming more assertive and debunking the myth that 'nice is best'. Being nice to the extent that it sacrifices your own values about boundaries can be damaging and painful. I'm learning to listen to myself and my needs more and letting go of the fear of letting those things be known.

I'm on Chapter 4 now. It's about the fear of being angry, and he has asked his readers to think about what their parents taught them about anger, what they modeled, and what conclusions we came to. My mother grew up in the 50s and is a very 'strong Christian woman' as they would say. She taught me to 'turn the other cheek' and encouraged me to be polite and well-mannered. My dad got angry often and was very vocal about it. To the point where he damaged relationships and even abused by mom. In the last instance of that, I was present.

I think this taught me that anger was destructive, that it was violent, and should be contained at all costs. I probably overcorrected for this at some point and became too mellow, too tolerant, and too flexible with things to avoid feeling or expressing this emotion. So anyways... working on this now.

I wasn't really in the mood to journal today, but I'm going to try to make it a habit, so that will do for now.