I Am Numb

I have Anhedonia. It's technically when you burn out your emotions and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing, like a sociopath but with a bit of a conscious. It will always be the oddest thing, smiling at someone you're supposed to love and actually not really caring if they live or die, but wanting to.
I want to care, but at the moment I'm incapable. It's all so weirdly complex.