I come from an amazing family, amazing parents. Even though in my selfishness I didn’t necessarily make them feel that way all the time.
My dad is a man that from youth has been the best student of every subject taught to him. Every day my dad reads. My mom tells me that there has never been a day that my dad isn’t reading a book in his spare time. My mom a dedicated mother that personally home cooked each meal for her three daughters, to the point I literally didn’t know what a burger was, the food we were brought up with was the healthiest possible. My dad became a doctor in our country of origin, with patients that would make lines and lines to be treated by him, my oldest sister tells me. My mom, a woman that was crowned a beauty queen in the town she lived in, together with this genius Asian looking karate movie loving man that would become my father. I don’t believe in “love” as the world teaches the meaning of the word. I don’t believe in marriage, or faithfulness. But in my world there is only one man I know that to this day has never raised his voice constantly in an argument, a man who I haven’t personally heard one curse word from, and that is my father. In my world there are only two faithful people in the world to each other, and that is my parents. I don’t believe in romantic everlasting “love” except in what I see in my parents. My dad, a seemingly guru type of person who stays calm in the midst of trouble. My mom an everlasting guide next to him, with which he can’t live without. I always tell them, “Listen in this world only you two made this “love” idea real, I don’t believe in that.” Who knows maybe all that reading my dad did all of his life resulted in an offspring with a thought process that was a surprise for him and my mother to hear.
If I am honest I didn’t ask to exist. What part of me is “me”, where is this “free” will when I didn’t choose my existence, my body, my mind, this world, and what this world contains.... options that were already there before I was born and which I have no other choice but to work with IF I want to live... Survival. I am dealing with the consequence of YOUR action in dealing with a world where I am only wanted IF I do what everyone wants. Don’t do what they want, and they don’t give a _________ what happens to me. It’s all about money, trying to impress others to be found worthy in their eyes. Then there is the belief in a Creator or a God. I tried that and you know what I found out? I only love myself because here I am following something in fear of hell or in the promise of protection and heaven, who happens to be the most powerful entity on Earth. Would I follow that lawnmower outside who has no position of power, authority, no way to benefit me, no way to threaten me? A lot of what I hear are lies. People are not naturally monogamous, they see someone appealing and of course they’d wish to be with them if their significant other wouldn’t get mad. Don’t you find this as a shallow world of appearances where everything is a fake?
My dad still calm. My mom worried about my thoughts, as a lot of mothers are for their children.
My dad had always told me to read a book by Byron Katie titled, “Loving What Is”. I read it, and I found it appealing. But still my cycle of thoughts and resentment remained. I read other books and I just felt like I was reading commercialized lies all the time, they didn’t get to me.
Then a couple of weeks ago, the last book on my pile of books I had bought a while back, was titled, “A thousand names for Joy” by that same author Byron Katie. Her four breakthrough questions in all of her books are:
In reference to our thoughts-
1. Is that true? 2. Can you absolutely know that that’s true? 3. How do you react when you believe that thought, “_________________”? 4. Who would you be without that thought? Now turn that thought around to the opposite, the other, and to yourself to see if there is more truth in it.
For example:
All everyone cares about is money, people are so fake.
1. Is that true? Yes, it certainly seems true. We need money to survive, and you have to be pleasing, productive, and harmless for others to want to in the same room with us, so yes it’s true people are fake, no one really cares.
2. Can I absolutely know that everyone is fake and only cares about money? Well logically speaking I am limited to my own mind, and what I can perceive with that mind, so no of course I can’t “absolutely” know anything.
3. How do I react when I believe that thought? I feel trapped in a world where everyone is seemingly playing puppet or puppeteer and nothing has depth or meaningful purpose.
4. Who would you be without that thought? You know how everyone says that “ignorance is bliss”? Well I suppose that without the thought I would be as happy as when we are unaware of the world we live in, as joyful and playful as a kid.
-Turn the thought around to the opposite: •People don’t only care about money, and they are genuine. (3 examples where this could be true) - They genuinely care about money lol 😂 - When all of us were kids we didn’t even have a clue about what money was. - We care about being liked, about being without pain, we laugh at funny jokes, no, not everything is about money.
Turn the thought around to the other: •I should be genuine with people and not do everything for the sake of money. - Can I be honest without fear of repercussions? - Can I have fun with family or friends without the thought of money? - Can I invest of my time in someone as a volunteer without receiving money in return?
Turn the thought around to the self: •I should be genuine with MYSELF and care about myself, not just money. -Can I do what I consider fun? -Can I accept myself even at the apparent rejection of others? -Can I be honest with myself and not react in anger in trying to fake to be someone or think like someone that I am not?
—————————————————— The reason this book, “A thousand names for Joy” really got to me, is because I hear more of Byron Katie’s life, more about her own words, her own analogies, her own story. Most books that I read, I think, “man this makes no sense, these are all cliches, lies, not even logical.” But “A thousand names for joy” follows the lines of logic so well that I finally felt like I was reading a book that made sense. A lot of my original thoughts of, “I didn’t ask to exist, what part of me is “me” since I chose nothing in the first place, no one is unconditional, etc” are actually addressed in this book. I was mesmerized to read what made perfect sense and what calmed down my frustrations in a new way. More than the four questions, the beautiful word imagery in this book hypnotized me into reading more and more. And now finally the four questions reached me, in a way that the other books written by her hadn’t, yet. I can re-read all of her books now with a new appreciation and understanding, thanks to, “A thousand names for Joy”.
Mom and Dad I am sorry for all the possibly hurtful words I have said to you in battling reality and looking for reasonableness. Thank you for the awesome parents and individuals you have been to me, even though as the human that I am, when I get trapped in my own desires and selfishness I act anything but grateful. I am grateful for my unique train of thought that has developed into my own personal philosophy which I will use to deconstruct negative labels and bridge gaps of understanding, or maybe that is just my old ego talking, but I am still grateful for my way of seeing things; I believe it’s what makes me treat some people with the laughter and acceptance I sometimes display.
Byron Katie even though I know you aren’t your old self looking for a word of acknowledgement or validation, or if you’ll ever read this, or if you are tired of hearing this millions and millions of times but-
Thank you for being an author who has been brave enough to write books that through inquiry bring freedom from the prison of the thoughts in our minds. You write in such a way that I admire greatly because you don’t once say a negative word of criticism to anything or anyone, and that is what I had been looking to read all my life. I know my dad is a great fan of yours, and now you have earned one more in me. Thank you for writing words that make sense, to a mind that was desperately searching for something close to that, but was having difficulty finding.
I was just reading a couple of lines from her book and it inspired me to write all of this.
Self-expression through writing, the art form that I am most grateful for in this life!
