how to be more chill?
So I want to get back into dating but I’m not sure what I’m doing. Or well, I don’t really have the motivation to actually do it
So my last relationship was about eight years ago, and since then I’ve been spending probably 85 to 90 percent of my time trying to get into my career field. In the midst of that I’ve had my crushes and my guy friends and my ‘guys I’m not cool enough to ask out anyway’s which has lead to this kind of terrible job at dating I’ve done. I’ve made the rounds on the apps for about six years and the area I live in doesn’t really make for great meet-people-in-real-life territory. I’m working on moving but it seems a lot of stars have to align first, and they’re getting there but I’m still kind of in holding. But I want to be in a relationship, despite how used to my solitude I am. I’ve done the work to better myself, I don’t hate my own company, I’m just tired of being alone. I hate to say all the weddings going on is my motivation but it kind of is. I’ve had such an annoying run at dating that I just kind of stopped doing it. But being a bridesmaid four times over and all the festivities and all that just makes me wish I had my own person. I mean I even felt some type of way trying on my dress one day. Being the only person to have to take a mirror selfie in the text chat and no one to help even zip me into it… hate to say it but I kind of took a little emotional hit. And before anyone says anything, no it’s not the “you just want a wedding” deal. I’ve grown up around relationship people, even my own parents were married for 32 years. I know the kind of work it takes and have seen what my peers and such have done to keep theirs functioning. Learning through example still works even if I barely have the actually on the job experience. I want to put the effort in, I just haven’t found the person to put the effort in with
I want to but it seems like I cannot get a handle on the dating bit. I’m good at single, I’m pretty good at being a girlfriend, but this dating stuff is really annoying. I think it’s because have trouble connecting with people. I’m not the best flirt, it just feels weird to me, and when these guys do the same in the conversations I have it feels unnatural. Another thing is I have to have something to go off of that isn’t what they look like to be attracted to them. I like real conversations. I have a better chance of being into them if I can make jokes and tell their sense of humor, or charm or wit. I even like when they get too far into a subject they’re into because it says something about them. Without that I just don’t find anything interesting. I know that’s how it’s supposed to work but even when I meet them in person and the conversation is bland I don’t have interest in seeing them again. I know I’m supposed to give people a chance but it just seems like I’m going out several times with a person that just seems blasé to me. Anyway, I think I need to loosen up. If has advice on taking it easy, when to give people a chance and when to let go, or anything I need all the help I can get
So my last relationship was about eight years ago, and since then I’ve been spending probably 85 to 90 percent of my time trying to get into my career field. In the midst of that I’ve had my crushes and my guy friends and my ‘guys I’m not cool enough to ask out anyway’s which has lead to this kind of terrible job at dating I’ve done. I’ve made the rounds on the apps for about six years and the area I live in doesn’t really make for great meet-people-in-real-life territory. I’m working on moving but it seems a lot of stars have to align first, and they’re getting there but I’m still kind of in holding. But I want to be in a relationship, despite how used to my solitude I am. I’ve done the work to better myself, I don’t hate my own company, I’m just tired of being alone. I hate to say all the weddings going on is my motivation but it kind of is. I’ve had such an annoying run at dating that I just kind of stopped doing it. But being a bridesmaid four times over and all the festivities and all that just makes me wish I had my own person. I mean I even felt some type of way trying on my dress one day. Being the only person to have to take a mirror selfie in the text chat and no one to help even zip me into it… hate to say it but I kind of took a little emotional hit. And before anyone says anything, no it’s not the “you just want a wedding” deal. I’ve grown up around relationship people, even my own parents were married for 32 years. I know the kind of work it takes and have seen what my peers and such have done to keep theirs functioning. Learning through example still works even if I barely have the actually on the job experience. I want to put the effort in, I just haven’t found the person to put the effort in with
I want to but it seems like I cannot get a handle on the dating bit. I’m good at single, I’m pretty good at being a girlfriend, but this dating stuff is really annoying. I think it’s because have trouble connecting with people. I’m not the best flirt, it just feels weird to me, and when these guys do the same in the conversations I have it feels unnatural. Another thing is I have to have something to go off of that isn’t what they look like to be attracted to them. I like real conversations. I have a better chance of being into them if I can make jokes and tell their sense of humor, or charm or wit. I even like when they get too far into a subject they’re into because it says something about them. Without that I just don’t find anything interesting. I know that’s how it’s supposed to work but even when I meet them in person and the conversation is bland I don’t have interest in seeing them again. I know I’m supposed to give people a chance but it just seems like I’m going out several times with a person that just seems blasé to me. Anyway, I think I need to loosen up. If has advice on taking it easy, when to give people a chance and when to let go, or anything I need all the help I can get
31-35, F
