I Am Afraid Of Relationships
I just don't trust myself anymore. My ex and I broke up years ago but, it still feels so fresh. And the reason was so stupid; sure we were young, not even out of our teenage years.
I had run into an old crush of mine 4 years into our relationship, and she asked me to come to the social events at her uni. I didn't mind this - there was nothing more between us than there was when I first knew her, if anything there was less. I hadn't kept in touch with anyone from my primary school so I didn't see it as a problem, and I did let my ex know about it, just to be honest and open.
The small problem came from feelings that began to resurface, and I told myself it was unfair for my ex to shower me with a love I could no longer reciprocate. I never acted on these feelings though, because that whole ordeal kind of broke me. If my heart could be so easily swayed in a 4 year relationship, how can I ever truly claim to love someone else?
I'm well aware I'm not ready for another relationship - I fear I never will be. But it's not so bad if I don't have one; I just don't think it's fair to any person who'd fall for me - if it's even possible anymore - to love someone who cannot fully return that love to them.
I had run into an old crush of mine 4 years into our relationship, and she asked me to come to the social events at her uni. I didn't mind this - there was nothing more between us than there was when I first knew her, if anything there was less. I hadn't kept in touch with anyone from my primary school so I didn't see it as a problem, and I did let my ex know about it, just to be honest and open.
The small problem came from feelings that began to resurface, and I told myself it was unfair for my ex to shower me with a love I could no longer reciprocate. I never acted on these feelings though, because that whole ordeal kind of broke me. If my heart could be so easily swayed in a 4 year relationship, how can I ever truly claim to love someone else?
I'm well aware I'm not ready for another relationship - I fear I never will be. But it's not so bad if I don't have one; I just don't think it's fair to any person who'd fall for me - if it's even possible anymore - to love someone who cannot fully return that love to them.
