I used to resent my mom for not knowing I was being molested

When I was 13, I told my mom that the babysitter she had hired for more than a year had been molesting me nearly that whole time. She was completely shocked, she had absolutely no idea that was going on, but I felt she should have.

She did see things that the babysitter would do to me that I think should have been seen as inappropriate, at least. I won't go into any details, but I'll say it could also have been seen as her just being affectionate or silly, but I know that it wasn't and if it were a man doing it to me, it wouldn't have been seen as anything but inappropriate.

My mom actually did walk in on her molesting me one time. I still remember my babysitter's reaction upon realizing my mom was there too, she thought she got caught red-handed. But lucky for her, my mom didn't suspect a thing. I don't know what my mom saw and I've never discussed that time with her, but I think that should have been a red flag.

I resented my mom for quite a while after I started opening up about it. But I've come to understand that she just didn't know and my babysitter had the advantage of being a woman. No one ever suspects that a woman can be a child molester, ever. I've let go of that resentment and now I feel bad for ever feeling that way toward her. Especially since my mom became deeply upset with herself for not realizing and ended up having to take counseling with me for it.

My mom and I rarely discuss my molestation, but when we do, she brings up how she wishes she had known every time. I think that's something that's going to haunt her forever too, she definitely doesn't need any resentment from me.