I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All

Is it bad I want to feel pain? My whole body is numb. Both physically and mentally I can't feel nothing at all. I tried to cry, but I guess not crying was unhealthy, Cuz nothing no longer comes out. Life seems pointless. I walk around like a zombie. There're times I do things to make myself feel. People used to call me crazy, saying I need professional help and need locked up. That was mostly my parents. The school calls me a troubled teen. I can't dodge it Cuz I have to face them everyday. I have no one to talk to in person about the things I do now, because i don't want to take the risk. I stay forever isolated. Even then people still talk. I just want to feel something. I never realized how precious emotion was till I lost it all. Now I watch the days pass by lonely in my room waiting for everything to end. When I'm gone I'm gone and that is one thing I am able to accept. I just want to feel something without being crazy. People describe life as a wonderful thing that u only have one of. Is it wrong for me to not care at all if I lose it. I'm not saying I'm suicidal. In just saying living a life with no emotion is slowly killing me. Now I just sit and wait for the future to burn. I just really hope I don't last to see it, not like this.