I Really Need a Friend

Alone Again.... I am alone again. But then again, I've been alone all along. For as long as I can remember its only been me. I purposely split my persona as a kid, just so I could have someone to talk to... So loneliness isn't new to me. There was a time when I believed that I don't need anyone in my life. I know now that I was wrong.

I want so much to believe that there is hope for mankind - but it might be too late for me. People, in my experience, only hang around long enough to disappoint you and then they leave you. And they WILL leave. That's why I find myself alone again. Everyone I know goes away in the end. Not even the split in my psyche was strong enough to keep the isolation at bay. I feel detached from humanity. Why is basic human connection this hard to attain?

The one or two people I have left in my life do make the occasional effort. Yet this detachment persists. And even though I enjoy solitude, this feels more like exile. In many ways; loneliness is my best friend. It has been by my side since the beginning, and I get the impression that it will follow me to my end. For all I know, this thing I'm trying so hard to find might be unattainable. It might not even exist. But if it does exist in reality, then I want to find it.

The situation is dismal and I find myself in need of a friend. Every day my alienation towards humanity is intensified and I grow all the more despondent.

feralcamel

Friends you make in childhood are friends for life. Regardless of how many years have passed since we last spoke, I don't need an excuse to pick up the phone and call an old friend. These friends never go away. At best, they are family, at worst old furniture that you can always rest on, though not always talk to. And there's family. Family never goes away.
Don't you have such people in your life?

Lullacus · 31-35, F

I wasn't allowed friends as a child. My sister made sure of that. My family is mostly gone too.

chardal

Happy to be a friend to both of you. One thought to ponder is that I found that friendships can be quite a bit of work, they require both parties to have the other in mind and include them, if it is only one sided then it will tend to fade.
Unfortunately it seems that some people have it easier than others with regard to this process of keeping friendships alive.