I Am Afraid of Having Children
My God I think about this constantly.
I was only normal as a child briefly before things took a dark turn in my life.
I was emotionally neglected and not defended by my mother and abused incessantly by my father until I learned how to fight back.
I have two little sisters who I love with all my heart and would die for them.
But there’s a disconnect with children. Especially happy children because it’s not like humans, it's like they’re like aliens. I didn’t know any part of normalcy. How could I provide it comfortably?
The majority of the components that make up my personality are broken and not kid friendly. If I become a father, so much would have to be concealed and hidden away.
Despite a horrid past I choose to love gently and sink deeply into the people I love. I just don’t know if I could ever be a good father to children I know would deserve a lighthearted and fulfilling childhood.
I was only normal as a child briefly before things took a dark turn in my life.
I was emotionally neglected and not defended by my mother and abused incessantly by my father until I learned how to fight back.
I have two little sisters who I love with all my heart and would die for them.
But there’s a disconnect with children. Especially happy children because it’s not like humans, it's like they’re like aliens. I didn’t know any part of normalcy. How could I provide it comfortably?
The majority of the components that make up my personality are broken and not kid friendly. If I become a father, so much would have to be concealed and hidden away.
Despite a horrid past I choose to love gently and sink deeply into the people I love. I just don’t know if I could ever be a good father to children I know would deserve a lighthearted and fulfilling childhood.
