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I Want To Confess

Yes I've hurt my lover a lot and that's the only reason she left me.i been telling lies to others that she left me cuz she never loved me. But the truth is she loved me more than anyone else has ever done, but I always hurt her. Whatever story you say to others doesn't heal you because deep down the truth is inside you and you know it very well.
Yes I'm a bad person and too coward to suicide.
People like me should not exist in this world cuz they don't deserve love.
I just wish if i ever get her back so I'll give her all the happiness and take all pain from her life but it's too late and this is only a dream now.
I just wanna say don't ever hurt someone that loves you because nowadays it's really hard to find someone like that .

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trackman11 · 61-69, M

My friend, if you aren’t already, please consider counseling. You lie to others because you are ashamed of the truth and you hurt someone who loved you because you have anger and hurt that you’ve never resolved. You are a special young man with gifts, abilities and undiscovered potential, but you are a prisoner to your view of self. Seek help, solve that and then when suicidal thoughts, self doubt and anger are under control, only then seek a relationship. A young woman may see you as an attractive “fixer upper” but that will lead you to this same place. If I’m completely off base and have assumed incorrectly just ignore this. I believe you can overcome this young man.

Danny54268 · 26-30, M

@trackman11 sir I know this but now things keep reminding me the way I used to hurt her by my words.i can't forget it and don't know what to do to forget it.

trackman11 · 61-69, M

@Danny54268 Danny, I hear you. Some people use hurtful words because they are selfish. They don’t suffer like you are with guilt and regret. However, the fact you feel so badly is an indication you have a good heart.
I don’t need to know, but ask yourself if you are sorry that you lost her or sorry that you hurt her. Depending on which emotion is stronger indicates what you need to work on. If it’s the loss, you will simply have to grieve that loss and learn from mistakes. If it’s truly that you hurt someone you would be wise to get at the core of “why” you did it.
As for “forgetting “, stop trying. Life is full of mistakes and regrets and remeothem has value even though it hurts. Work on moving forward by dealing with issues you need to deal with and don’t settle for bandage relationships or even words.
I am sorry you feel this way. I know it’s difficult.