I Have Trouble Keeping Friends

I always somehow manage to drive people away. Even those I'm able to share mutual connections with in such ways that makes us seem very compatible. But I've always been aware of what my problem with that is: me. I'm boring, I'm unlikable and I'm just not worth having as a friend. It's been like this my whole life, both in reality and over the internet. Whenever I'm unable to keep a friend, I hate myself a little more each time because it just reminds me how unlikable I really am; how I'm able to drive people away without even trying. And it is [u]me[/u] that is the problem, it is not them. It just isn't. I am grateful to those who do like me and think I'm worth having as a friend but they are very few in comparison to the amount of friends I have lost. However, I really won't be surprised if one day any of the friends I have made decide they don't want to be friends with me anymore but I couldn't hold that against them either. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with trying to make new friends. But now, I'm not going to anymore. From now on, I'm not going to be adding any other users to my circle, I'm not going to be engaging with anyone other than the people in my circle through PMs and just not letting anyone else get close to me. I'm finally shutting myself off to people except for those I have already become friends with. This is as much to keep others from becoming disappointed in me as it is protecting myself from feeling bad or being hurt. I have to laugh at myself for when I feel disappointed after losing another friend. Like oh, [b]I[/b] feel disappointed? Imagine how they feel! Some have had a genuine interest in me and [i]wanted[/i] to be my friend only to realize they made a terrible mistake. That's what really makes me feel shitty for losing them because the interest is often mutual and I feel I let down someone I like yet again. So yeah, no new people added to my circle. Even if it's someone I really do admire and would love to get to know better. It's just not worth the risk of them ending up not liking me anymore.

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Justbychance · M

To the best of my knowledge, I really don't think I have any considered 'friends' here. Which doesn't mean that I judge anyone, more that this is how I see it to be. But then, it could be said that I am wrong, that this isn't how I perceive it to be and, for whatever reason, I don't feel that I fit in anywhere. But ...

If I thought what I wrote here (or anywhere else for that matter) was nothing but pure drivel then I wouldn't be here to begin with. In short, I am here for myself in the first place and, hopefully, I don't come across as too boring or too serious for that matter. As far as other people are concerned? I follow the same pattern.

I don't think I would hurt or offend anyone on purpose, as I wouldn't tell a lie in how I feel to make someone feel 'better'. I don't consider myself an entertainer, whilst I don't see that all things in life are so serious that a joke in season is out of line. And in all that, no matter what anyone might think, no matter who's name falls from my list or whoever might not reciprocate a friends request I remain the same every time I come to this place. Rather than consider that I lose a friend (however that might happen) I'd rather say that in all honesty it doesn't matter; in truth, this place cannot hurt me unless I let it.

Sorry, a long response but from reading so much of your 'stuff', from reading your responses you seem to be such a lively person ... and you also seem very popular. Continue being 'you', try not to let other's bring you down and let go of what let goes of you without any serious feelings. After all is said and done, you are [i]much[/i] better than this place as many here are.

XxxX