I Know Sadness

[b][big]The sadness that never leaves...[/big][/b]

It's always there. Sometimes it's active; other times it's idle. It remembers every moment and uses those moments to make its presence and power known even during its down time:

The fear of asking the girl out who said yes to a date only to change her mind the very next day; the sting of feeling left out, not invited, and not wanted; the overheard conversation about why I always seem friendless; the passing of the only person who ever made me feel unconditionally loved even though I always thought I was not good enough to deserve that kind of love; the "quiet desperation" that comes from a life of repressing my emotions and being commended for never being a problem which encouraged me to suppress how desperate I really felt; the victorious moments celebrated entirely alone; the made-up excuses of why I was entirely alone; the feeling that something must have happened to make me feel so emotionally and socially deficient, but not being able to figure out what; the sense of hope that I can be accepted, but that hope never being fulfilled.

I am genuinely thankful and practice the discipline of gratitude daily for [u]everything[/u] I have been given. But, the sadness never leaves...