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I never want my kids to mess up and think “my mom is gonna kill me!”

I want their first thought to be “I need to call my mom.”

Parenting with fear isn’t parenting at all. It’s tolerating a child’s presence until they are old enough to mind themselves.
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I agree. Being afraid to go to their parents is often how kids end up in dire situations on the street. Some people here seem to think if they brutalize children just because that’s how they were raised and they survived it (questionable) that being “strict” makes a good parent.