@charley I've never understood-- if the mom isn't stopping you-- (and even if she is, so long as the courts aren't stopping you) why would ANY dad just NOT be involved in their own children's lives...?

@charley When in doubt, give credit to "good genes". ;)

@Coralmist You know, while my heart was warmed by your praise, it was broken by your reality. Even on my girls' worst days, when they are acting like your dad did to you, to me (after all, you don't appreciate what you have until you don't)...? They are still my "happy place", and I tell them so.

@Silence0 One thing I learned from my mother-- the thing that is most important to her...? Am I happy? My life could be totally in the toilet, heading in the wrong direction, or over uncharted territory, and my choices aren't up for her judgment. I'm all grown up now. I am allowed to choose my future. My mom is only concerned if I am happy with it and myself. At least, that's all I will get from her, unless I ask otherwise. Why...? Because I am all grown up, and she knows that it is my life and my choices, and I am the one who will have to live with them at the end of the day.

So I would encourage you to live your life, because it IS yours to live. If he wishes you to be happy in your life, then you being happy will make up for anything else you could possibly do.

I'd even talk to him about it, and explain that you understand he does not approve of some of the things you do (so long as they are not destructive, otherwise, I'd side with him on this! ;) ) but you want to live your life full, happy and fulfilled. And if he wants to see you like that, then he's got to accept that you might do things he doesn't agree with, but you take responsibility for your choices and decisions, fully and wholly. And that's what would truly make you happy in the world.

Why is she lucky? I am not saying she's not but every child ought to have a father who cares and loves them.

Being a parent is a HUGE commitment, a lifetime commitment.
Of TWO people, not just a mother. (Or just a father). And their families too..
It changes you :)
It makes you better as a human being.

It should not be some privilege that daddy sticks around and daddy gives a massive hoot.

Sadly, it does seem that way, more often than I care to admit.

@Lunadelobos: She's lucky because the way things SHOULD BE is often not the way they are; a father who thinks this way is rare. I'm not insinuating that fathers shouldn't think this way, I'm simply acknowledging the fact that most do not, therefore most daughters do not have the kind of father she has.

@SW-User Perhaps if our standards and expectations were higher...? :)
Perhaps if we had better radars, yadda yadda yadda... and so on, infinitum.

I not only comprehend what you mean, I have also lived this.

I don't think that I put too much stock in *luck*.

The good man is doing his proper duty by his girl child 👶.
She and he are blessed.

@SW-User I appreciate the sentiment, but I see the skeletons in my own closet, and know... I still have work to do.

@GwydionFrost I can't wait to have kids for that reason. Kids are the future and good parents are what forge that. We all have negative things about ourselves, but raising kids that will be the change the world needs to see is the most important thing we could ever do.

@Scribbles I don't know what made me peek in here, but I saw your post, and it choked me up. I'm sorry that was your experience. I wish there was a way to undo the damages and heal the wound.

@GwydionFrost Erm...I feel a tad embarrassed by my answer a year and a half later... because I don't feel that way anymore about ALL men.

What I said is certainly how I felt at the time and most all of my life. But perhaps it might soothe you to hear that since then I've had months of productive therapy (I had a lot to sort out), and a very supportive boyfriend, and reconnected with the...idk...good people in my life far more, and was determined to let go/leave the toxic and bad people behind as much as I could etc. I did and do have people...including some men who are more or less good people in my life...I just wasn't mentally capable of believing it or recognizing it until quite recently...

I'm rather glad you replied to my comment though I am sorry it caused you some sadness. It reminded me that I have been able to put alot of crap away in the past and be free from it and be a stronger happier person and be able to have the kinds of fear-free relationships with some friends and family I've always wanted.

Thank you for your kind comment :)

@Scribbles Wow. Wish granted. That's one fast genie. 😲

Color me impressed. That's amazing news indeed! I'm so happy for you being able to break free from the chains of your past, and that you've been making steady progress ever since...!

@Scribbles You know the sure-fire success formula for a miserable child...? Push them to try to achieve what you could not...!

@GwydionFrost For sure.
beyond the kid not able to have his or her own life and stretch their wings... its a miserable catch22 for the kid. Because a parent like that probably isn't capable of being properly proud or supportive. you're damned if you do achieve, damned if you don't. you're either a disappointment, hated out of jealousy(because you did achieve) or you get the " It's not fair you're not as miserable as I was at your age because (child made different choices or made parent jealous) so I'm going to...." and get a parent trying to make things harder for you...

I would never accuse her of asking a silly question... it just blew me away that she didn't know, or even have a clue. Which is an damning indicator of her own father's failure to establish a meaningful relationship with her, I reckon. It's just... well, I can't even wrap my brain around the idea that someone wouldn't be compelled to do this for their children...! I mean, if YOU don't, WHO WILL..?!?

I hope all father could have that kind of thought. Seriously. Sadly 😔

@GwydionFrost My dad is never there, I hardly see him whatsoever. He has a new family now.

@BabyTay98 Sorry about your dad. :-( I guess that explains why he never came up in any of our conversations.

@BabyTay98 My dad and I didn't talk for quite a while... like, for YEARS. I think he had a health scare, and realized that he might actually need to establish a relationship with the now two grown men he raised. Now, we talk more often, but nowhere near what my mom and I do. He also remarried, but... yeah, no new kids. He didn't like that gig the first time around-- why ask for more...? ;)

@littlepinklotus You know, there are times when even I question if I know what being a father really means. And even in those moments, I keep fast to one standard-- I must be the example of what she should be seeking in a mate, because I'm what her brain is going to tell her she should be looking for, whether I am actively doing so or not.

LOL... I would never EVER make that claim. That's a lot of shoe to fill. :P

I will accept the compliment when it comes to prioritizing my children in my responsibilities... but it's definitely a stretch for the rest of me. ;)

@GwydionFrost: I hope i can find a husband like u
I worry lot about being a mom ,i wish none make me cus i believe i cant do it

@moonthesolitary: 😊

Ok, so... I'm blushing. First-- want a husband that works for you...? You should read the OTHER essay I've Featured on my profile: The 4 Elements.

https://similarworlds.com/story?fid=4764229&tid=573646&name=I--m-A-People-Watcher

See, it's going to show you whether you have what it takes to LAST. Which is important, if you are desiring to raise children together.

Next, as far as being a mom goes...? I have found, as a parent, that if I ask THIS ONE QUESTION before taking any action or making any decision, I have never chosen wrong:

"Is this in the best interests and benefit of my children...?"

EVERY decision and action framed by this question first...? Will keep you honest.

@LyricalOne Thanks!