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I Am A Caregiver To My Spouse

I have been struggling a lot lately as I am getting so worn out. I find myself regretting that I promised my wife that I would stay with her until the end. Of course, I am not going to give up on her, I would never do that. But I am very burnt out lately and need a break, I just don't know how to get that break. She isn't too demanding, most times she is easy to care for. But it is also very frustrating at times as well. She qualifies for a lot of personal care but she doesn't want that, she only feels comfortable with me caring for her. I suppose I've been doing such a good job that I've made it so others are not good enough for her. At least that is what I keep telling myself to try to stay positive. It's been a struggle for me either way though and I know it is only going to keep getting worse.

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OldArkie · 80-89, M

gmatthewb I was warned about that... shadowing, they called it. My wife lost her memory from a CVA (stroke) and her mid stage Alzheimer's only compounds the problem. Her memory is gone from before we married and she doesn't remember anything about our life together and only knows I m her sole caregiver and has become completely dependent on me for virtually everything. If I have to go to doctor, our son comes while I'm gone. She barely /knows him as he seldom comes. I have been in this situation, progressively worse, for 15 years or so, and even though I am now 84, my health is fairly good and I am able to handle my (our) situation pretty well. I have learned that being mean or sharp with her for one of her regular mishaps or spills, does nothing but upset me and she forgets in 5 minutes anyway. I have told her (and myself) that I will care for her at home as long as we both can endure it and my health lasts. I am often told I should put her in a nursing home for my own good, and I know they are right, but my conscience won't let me. My biggest concern is her hygiene and I give her a sponge bath as often as I can but she needs it weekly or more. She doesn't like to change clothes and I have to insist on it... She is 2 years my senior, but her health seems really good, despite several abnormalities. Writing to my friends and swapping miseries with others is my only diversion, and she resents it when I open my laptop. (She isn't getting my full attention). But it feels good to swap stories with others. Good luck to you.