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I Am A Caregiver To My Spouse

I have been struggling a lot lately as I am getting so worn out. I find myself regretting that I promised my wife that I would stay with her until the end. Of course, I am not going to give up on her, I would never do that. But I am very burnt out lately and need a break, I just don't know how to get that break. She isn't too demanding, most times she is easy to care for. But it is also very frustrating at times as well. She qualifies for a lot of personal care but she doesn't want that, she only feels comfortable with me caring for her. I suppose I've been doing such a good job that I've made it so others are not good enough for her. At least that is what I keep telling myself to try to stay positive. It's been a struggle for me either way though and I know it is only going to keep getting worse.

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Shayla · F

I really hope you reach out to the people close to you. Being a caregiver is a big job and everyone deserves a little time off for themselves occasionally.

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@Shayla Kind of my big problem, I have nobody close to me that can help. My wife is a large woman, her mother cannot physically move her at all and my mother is useless for the most part due to her arthritis. That's the only family help there is.

Fernie · F

@gmatthewb if she is eligible for services then you have to force her to accept help

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@Fernie If I force her to accept help she doesn't want to, then she may choose to end her life sooner. Then I will feel very guilty about that, not sure I could live with myself in that situation.

Fernie · F

@gmatthewb That would be her choice. I know some of her resistance to strangers helping probably has to do with her weight...embarrassing...but you could be doing this alone for a long time and yeah, you'll have less guilt but perhaps lots of resentment too. You're in a very difficult situation with lots of catch 22's. At least have a serious, calm and loving conversation about it with her. No matter the outcome.