I Hate Being Told Not to Cry, Or to Stop Crying

In my childhood, I cry easily. My mom hate it, she told me to stop crying. Crying is only for babies. I'm not a baby anymore. I know the way she said that to make me independent & grow up. But it didn't help at all. I grew up I never cry in front of anyone anymore, only in my room by myself almost every night. Since my real life friends never saw me cry, they thought I was heartless. I used to hate watching the news on TV because it always people dying, accidents or war. It made me cry seeing the victim family cries. My dad kept nagging to force me to watch the news, I had no choice I couldn't change the channel. He thought I had no interest in current issues but I just don't want to see dead people on TV. Seeing dead people so many times I didn't cry anymore. My heart turned cold.