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I Feel Like I Don't Live Up to Expectations

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I'm not sure why I feel that way. I mean, I have my ups and downs, successes and failures. I'm only human, after all. But it is a feeling I simply can't escape. I chose to strive towards being a positive force in peoples lives, and yet I still see those very lives fall apart before my eyes. And I'm not good enough to make a meaningful difference.
I make a difference, have no doubt in that. But it is not enough.
I need to do better.
I have to do better.
I just... don't know how.
I have felt at my limits so many times now. And I can't... I don't know how to do better.
And everybody I talk to keeps on telling me that I'm doing enough already, that I can't do everything... They don't expect me to change anything. In their minds, I am but a face in the crowd that somehow took interest in them. That at some point, sooner or later, I would look away. That I would leave them to fend for themselves.
I can't do that. I don't care that they have zero expectations for me to live up to - I have my own expectations. I have my own dreams, my own desires. I what I desire is to be that change, to be that force to drive away the dark clouds that have enveloped their lives for so long.
I want to give them reasons in their hearts to keep smiling, forever.

In the end, I'm little more than human. Maybe less. Just a face in the crowd, soon to be forgotten. I'm not strong enough, smart enough... I'm just not enough. I am letting these people down. In my eyes, not theirs... I am a failure.

And do you know what really hurts? On some level, they know how this affects me too. So they try to hide their troubles away. And in doing so, they take away something that matters to me. They put distance between us. And in doing so, they slowly but surely push me out of their lives.
31-35, M
+ 0 4 replies 0 views Apr 9, 2015 |
im always guilty of hiding things but never with the intention of pushing away. its more trying to work out what may be and what may not without embarassment or burdens.
I'm sorry I can't post a beautiful response that is full of advice, like you have for me. Because I know that whatever I say, you'll still feel as though you're not good enough, you're not living up to expectations. Even though you truly are. You've already outlived the expectations by going going beyond most people and taking the time and care to read my thoughts and respond to them. That shows just how beautiful you really are.
themanoflegends · 31-35, M
Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you.
You CAN make a difference - a big difference. It's said that people don't often remember what you say, they don't always remember what you do, but they ALWAYS remember how you make them feel. Often we don't realise how we touch people's lives.

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I Feel Like I Don't Live Up to Expectations
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I'm not sure why I feel that way. I mean, I h... | I Feel Like I Don't Live Up to Expectations | Similar Worlds