I Am Not Well

I am not well. A switch flips in my head and I become a monster. I literally watch myself say these things and do these things that are not me. For months. And then one day the switch flips back and I'm awake again to sit in this mess I've made of everything and everyone around me. I destroyed someone. I didn't want to. I didn't mean to. I told her to leave. I told her I couldn't be what she needed. But she stayed. And the switch flipped. And now she is a different person. And I hate myself for it.