I Am Not The Other Woman

@Quietrumble: Deniers are both male and female. I'm finding a lot of women in the same boat with the same realization, but, it's hard to schedule playdates between two jobs, two sets of kids, and two spouses.

Deniers are not sexual people. They do not bond with sex. They do not like sex. They see it as a tool for manipulation. It is not love. Their denial is abuse, and abuse with huge payoffs.

@IronHamster: I disagree with that. Deniers don't necessarily hate sex but if the attraction and excitement is gone it does become a chore. This isn't my situation though. I never used sex to manipulate either. I think affairs happen because the cheating spouse is to chicken to get divorced but one should never have to be a slave to their partners ideas of marriage. No person should have to go with out sex or affection.

@Quietrumble: The cheating spouse is the denier.

Marriage is a contract. In English common law, if a provider did not deliver a service, the contract was broken and the client was free to get services from another provider.

It is the denier that breaks the contract.

In my case, we had a vibrant sex life until the ring went on. If she lost interest that soon, she should not have married me in the first place, but, here we are.

@TheSaint: Sorry. If it were not a contract it would not require a lawyer or judge to unravel, now, would it, my shallow thinking friend.

@IronHamster: I didn't sign a contract trust me. A lot goes into people's sex lives going sour. It could be anything from working tremendous hours, exhaustion from the kids and little help, the guy farting all night long (or woman), or just be a general jerk and not feeling it for someone. What are you both willing to change to fix it?

@IronHamster: You need a lawyer for the financial end of a marriage not to be told your free at last.

@Quietrumble: As long as we keep a happy front going for the kids, we are in a stalemate.

About two months ago my wife made it clear she was done talking about our problems and asked me not to bring them up again. I call this a "don't ask don't tell policy".

@IronHamster: only you can decide if that's how you want to live and it's a painful process to find any peace with.