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I Am Attracted to Intelligent Women

Intelligence And The Modern Woman... Intelligent woman are hard to come by. That sounds incredibly misogynistic, and don't for a second think that I think men are superior, because they're not. To that end, intelligent, honest men are hard to come by as well. What I mean is that ever since I've found out that I like girls and that they, in fact, don't have cooties, I've felt I'm too mature for my age, that I'm more mature than my female counterparts (and most definitely my male peers). Even at 20, I feel this is the case. I understand that college is a time to let loose, but it seems to me that people are overdoing it these days. Many of the girls are quite licentious and tiresome, and the guys, dull narcissistic a-holes. Reading this back to myself, it sounds like I have a stick up my ass, but I can assure you, I'm not all seriousness. I'm definitely one for lowbrow humor, and am not averse to partying, but at some point, there has to be something behind that, some substance to the person.

My APUSH (AP US History) teacher in high school always advocated finding the interesting woman (I suppose odd advice coming from a history teacher, but it was more about seeking knowledge and wisdom about ourselves and the world, often through history. He was and still is my favorite teacher.). And I have yet to find her. I know there are intelligent woman, I know there are interesting woman of thought and substance, but I can't seem to find them. The very few I do find, are usually spoken for, as some lucky men who happen to value substance too have locked it down.

I feel that it's a product of our times, and the dumbing down of society that leads to my perception, that there are few intelligent woman to find. It's not that I think I'm highly intelligent or better than everyone, it's just that I don't feel I agree or wholly fit into this culture that has emerged, and I don't like it. Everywhere I look, club culture is emphasized, technology is sometimes becoming a hinderance, and education, and importantly, very dear to my heart, books are being tossed to the wayside. I don't quite know where I fit into this society, but nevertheless, I plow on, doing my own thing, approval be damned.

To date, there is a glimmer of hope for me. There is this girl in my Literature class I have written about in a previous story. To me, she is the epitome of the interesting woman. She's intelligent, well-spoken, articulate, and a hell of a writer. I have no idea if she's got a boyfriend, or not interested in one, but here's another fatal flaw of mine, my fear of rejection. I wouldn't mind getting rejected by anyone else. It's the one's I really care about that hurt. Sure, there are woman more beautiful than her, but she it beautiful, to me, and reeks of substance and character. Do I dare risk breaking my fragile mindset towards girls I find attractive? At what point is it better to just sit back and enjoy a crush, than to risk it all, and be rewarded either with glorious victory or bruising, crushing defeat?

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kekkafuza

Hey KN ! I have so been in your mental state before! Sounds like you have a few la<x>yers of psychological blocks that are affecting your ability to get out of your head and just let life experiences happen. Getting over shyness and rejection is such a liberating feeling, but it takes action on your part. Of course you probably already know this:) So, you have to decide which is worse: trying something you are uncomfortable with and will learn from or regret and further analysis in your head of why you don't just go for it.

Just think if you can get over your mental blocks at your age how much life will open up for you!

Maybe you can try okcupid at first and go on some dates that way. In a sense you would be bypassing whatever stages you normally go through mentally when you think about talking to new women. The la<x>yers between you and the potential date make it more comfortable at the beginning. Sounds like you are a great catch for somebody out there, but it's up to you to let them know why.

Also, I will tell you this: a lot of ladies like assertive men. I live in Portland,OR and it's a huge problem here. The guys are very unassertive and passive. I don't mean super cocky or anything just a guy that can see what he needs to do for himself or others and takes action to do it.

In case you are wondering I am 33yo and have been a similar position as you when I was younger, but I overcame a lot of my behavioral issues that I felt were limiting my experiences of life. I just had to respond with some advice...sorry if it's a long reply!

kekkafuza

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Val70, I'm sorry that first line angered you, but you should have kept reading. In the second line alone, I admitted it sounded misogynistic, and said that wasn't my intention. I was just making a personal observation, according to my own standards. You think I feel this way solely about women? Don't even get me started on men. I am much kinder to woman in judgment, trust me. And hey, in writing articles, the way to grab people's attention is with a ballsy, controversial claim in the title or first line. I stand by my work.

mary24, yes that's true, I am too shy to tell them, yet I still don't encounter altogether too many that I would deem mature. Like everyone else, I have my flaws. I think I am a mature person, but yes, I have a hard time approaching woman. I don't think this makes me an immature person, just an insecure person. And I really don't judge anyone openly, I was just frustrated, both with my own shortcomings, and with other people, and felt the need to write about . And believe me, I judge myself harsher than I could ever judge anyone else.

Thank you imogen29. I hope for the courage to do so someday...

RedRubies

Hmm, I didn't find this offensive at all; in fact, as a woman I understood it completely. Intelligent conversation is hard to come by in regards to either sex these days. Sometimes I hear young girls talk and my brain bleeds. I weep. I writhe. I beg for strength and sob for the future....

That being said, it seems as though many younger people today value the Kim Kardashian school of accomplishment, so I understand the author's lament when he states he wishes there were more people with substance around him.

I can tell that you have a lot to offer, KeasbeyNights, so try not to think otherwise. It is always disconcerting to take huge chances, but the pay offs can be wonderful. You just have to guage your personal risk threshold and decide which risks are worth taking:)

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Ugh. I hate the Kardashians with every fiber of my being. And while we're at it, Jersey Shore. Pretty much all of MTV. It's not even a music channel anymore, just a reality television channel. I weep too, and just thinking about it now makes my ears bleed, thinking, really? Really?

Yes, that I do have to do. The problem with my personal risk threshold is that it's skewed, with irrational fears, insecure misgivings, and . I want the payoff, but my brain tricks me into living in the moment, and not thinking about the future. That is, immediate personal embarrassment upon rejection, and not the fact that I'll probably forget about it in a few weeks, or think back and laugh on it. Bleh, too much thinking, not enough risking :)

BloodyMary82

Tough questions, but I would advise you approach the girl, chat with her, compliment her work, and get a feeling for her receptiveness to your advances. Then invite her out for fried chicken one day, just to hang out. And maybe you'll have a nice conversation.

Some people do not meet someone great for them until they're much older. College is a great place to meet an intelligent woman, and everyone is it the same. Enjoy your time there and try to date a few women. And some women that are less intellectual may still be quite beguiling and dear if you open yourself up to possibilities. Now's your time to try out different women and learn about yourself, too. Have fun!

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Yeah, I can understand that, mary24, but every time I want to, every time I ever felt an ounce of courage at the beginning of the day, it had completely melted away by the time I had set eyes on her. Maybe I'll get to see her, 10 years down the road, and get another chance. Hopefully I'll have gained a little confidence by then.

Ha, while not a bad idea, isn't that a bit, well, transparent? It's not bad advice, but rather, it's too late with this particular girl. She is out of reach now, unfortunately. I'd love to break the ice, but I'm rather bad at it. I tend to fall straight through and die of hypothermia.

ValR

Although one doesn't gain intelligence by simple aging, one does get a lot of experience and worldly knowledge along the way. No, I still feel sad about your posting, my dear young KeasbeyNights. The above comment only confirmed my earlier doubts... You shouldn't really be shouting away like that. On another note, do you know any other language besides English? Personally, it's my fourth language. Am I therefore more intelligent? I don't think so. Even great men like Voltaire talked total rubbish at one time or another. Listening to Candide is great fun but the old boy surely could also be a touch too arrogant.

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Satire is received differently by many people. I don't think it was too arrogant. It was biting, harsh, and often funny, but arrogant? I didn't get that out of Candide. I guess we just see things through different perspectives.

I don't know any languages well. I took 3 years of Latin, know some rudimentary Spanish, and even less French. You are entitled to your own opinion, but I think it does make a person more intelligent, in my eyes. I respect people who can speak many languages. My grandfather spoke 7. I really wish I got to meet the man before he passed.

RedRubies

Yes! The Kardashians and Jersey Shore are both signs of the appocalypse. I don't know who watches that stuff, I just don't. It's horrible and vacant; a cruel joke on society. The Kardashian's are everywhere too, you can't get away from them LOL

Living in the moment isn't a bad thing; in fact it's a good thing! Misgivings and insecurities are something everyone has at some point, so that is nothing unusual. I sincerely doubt you'd be rejected like you are thinking :)

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

That's the problem, I'm just not assertive. It's not my nature. I think, I plan, I consider, but I don't assert. I'm can't be someone I'm not, especially if I want to present myself as truthfully as possible. If it takes me that much longer to just find someone, so be it, but at least I'll be authentically me.

I've tried okcupid. It didn't really do anything for me, so I gave it up. I can be patient. It is a virtue, after all.

BloodyMary82

Hmmm, no. Even introverts have to learn when to demand what they want in some things, and this is one of those things. Try baby steps dear.

Joelwantsto

I came here after following a friends comment about one of your 10-word stories. Dude, what is holding you back? If you can articulate this well, you can surely approach any intelligent woman you find and strike up an interesting conversation with her. If you can't overcome your shyness and approach her why not write something and ask her to read it and give you her thoughts. Do something to break the ice!

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

... My sister watches them *sigh+facepalm* She's great otherwise though, I promise! I know, everywhere, it's utterly annoying.

Hah. Maybe not, but I have quite a wild imagination, which tends to run away with rejection scenarios :P

RedRubies

Oh, siblings!!! Well it's something for you to taunt her about ;-) Awww, an imagination can be a really good thing when it's focused.

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Haha, oh I wouldn't dare, she has a lot on me too :P

Yes, it can be, but in that situation, it's just focused on all the wrong things. A hard habit to change!

RedRubies

Good point. My brother and I have tons on each other... you have to navigate those waters carefully!

ambergris

Just talk with her.

An intelligent mind and a good conversation are attractive in their own right, making you both wanting more. This in turn can lead further, without ever really risking that rejection you fear.

I have read a couple of your stories and many of your Q&A. You clear have a brain and a sense of humour. A very attractive combination. Good luck!

ValR

It angered me more than a bit that you started your story with: "Intelligent woman are hard to come by." So much so that I didn't want to carry on reading it. So sorry, but intelligent women are not a commodity and as a mature lesbian woman I must say that your comment angers and saddens me still more. You're young enough to experience better and old enough to know better. Val

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

I really would rather live in my dreams. Reality is too harsh a world to rely on for good things to happen :P

Shes... untouchable. I don't know what I could say that wouldn't make me utterly embarrassed with myself. I don't know how I can articulate anything I've written into words. Yeah, this may be nice, but I'll never be able to voice it to her...

Kriekki

If you are to scared to take a risk just because of the "what if's" I feel sorry for you. The most successful men and woman in history where the ones who had the balls to try somethng new. I say go ask that girl out for coffee or something.

CoffeeFirst

Whatever you are looking for, you will eventually find in any situation. You just have to keep looking. "Sorry, no" just means "Next!" until you get to "Hell, yes!" --DW

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Licentious pretty much means loose, promiscuous. Ah, the girl. Well, I sat back too long, and the semester ended. I don't deserve her. I never even had a chance.

ValR

Point taken, Imogen. I let my first reaction stand, as always. Hope the writer notices that there is still some intelligence about. It only needs one line.

Mdear

Once again, KeasbeyNights, you mirror my thoughts; intelligence of any sort is difficult to find.

ValR

That's good advice, Mary. I tend to react too forcefully. Thank God, I'm not a teacher.

KeasbeyNights · 31-35, M

Reality is fair very rarely :)

I suppose it could, I'm just not ready to expose myself...

TheWomanWhoDid

Risk it... She's class by the sound of it.

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