I Have Memories I Can Never Forget

this is a nightmare! Every time I remember that at some point of my life he touched me, had me in every way he wanted and whenever I remember the things I did for him, fo what I thought was love, I feel sick. Sometimes I have panic attacks whenever these flashbacks come to my mind.I stop breathing for some seconds.
I want to erase it and take everything back, but I know I can't :(