I Don't Know What to Do Next

Looking... I'm looking for something to believe in, but the truth is I don't expect it to happen that way, you want something and you let it slip away I guess. So I guess I can't look for it but I need to just live life and do something. At this point I am not social at all, I literally have no friends where I live and thats on me for being so distant and cold. Im just letting life pass me by and doing nothing, every day is the same at home feeling bad doing shit, getting pissed off by my family. I need to find something in the world that I really enjoy but I just can't, nothing makes me happy, the things that should are meh and when im down im as down as you can see, crying and whatever. I'm just looking for something I can say alright I like this, maybe I am asking for too much and am suppose to live like this, but if thats the case I guess im going to speed something up

Somewhere along the way I lost my train of thought again and this came out like the complete B.S I am so whatever, I know it is shit