I Want Others to Accept Me For Who I Am

I say it's an illusion only because given the circumstances it's easy for people to say, "I support you," "I'm with you." "You can count on me," "You have a friend with me." And, I am not dismissing their most likely well-meaning intention. But, the reality is typing words does not really require that much effort, requires no commitment, and while it can provide the feeling of friendship, it's simply not real.

Illusions often feel real and sometimes they substitute for the real thing. Having a pet as a friend feels real enough, but those who claim all they need is their pet fish, or cat, or dog is living under an illusion. It's easy enough to feel a part of life by watching someone else's personal video, but that's an illusion too. Eating mock-turkey or soy-formed hot dogs can make you feel like you are tasting the real thing (if you use your imagination and discard the after-taste), but it's an illusion. Illusions do work. Reality requires much to achieve, but it just seems like it's better.

I don't feel accepted myself; many times I have trouble even with self-acceptance. It's nice when people here say, "oh, you seem so normal" or "just be yourself and you will do fine." It provides the feeling of being connected, it simply does not carry forward in real-world conditions.

Some people prefer to live under the protection of an illusion. And, I am not attempting to stop them. I just think people like us should be careful about thinking that's the best acceptance we can ever hope to achieve.

@SolitaryFriend: I do find downside in posting online, though. According to communication experts, the words we use comprise only 7% of the overall message. Tone of voice and body language provide the rest, and those are missing in an online chat. I think I'd have to say that I see it as a double-edged sword - on the one hand those things don't get in the way, but I have also had many experiences where the lack of those things has contributed to misunderstanding.

The sad truth though is online affirmation is no match for real-world acceptance. Internet acceptance, no matter how well-meaning, is an illusion. We need to figure out how to gain acceptance in real, physical world encounters. And, we can't give up.

You are right, RootsToBlossom---most people are not truly open to others that have different perspectives. Somehow, these differences threaten most people. I love meeting people who are different because it's much more interesting that dealing with those like myself. Plus, I learn when I'm around others who are quite different from me.

You are also right that all of us are seeking something, most often, a connection.

I agree with you that I like online interactions. Online, we can be more ourselves---we have less to lose than with people who know us in real life.

Thanks for sharing your perspectives!

@MarkPaul, Thank you for your response. I agree we can't give up on seeking real life acceptance, but I disagree that online affirmation is only illusion. I think it is more like levels of intimacy on a spectrum rather than one is real and the other is not.

In the offline world our personalities are designed to put up masks until we can establish enough trust with someone in the right environment as to open up and start to have the intimacy to allow ourselves to share who we are. Being anonymous online trades a mask for a persona where you can be exactly who you want to be, as true to yourself as possible, so the environment is suited for people to embrace you for exactly who you are.

Online you're not conscious of people's mannerisms that show signs of how they're feeling and you're not concious of how you're being perceived beyond words, so that helps bring down boundaries. It's more ideal to initially find a kindred spirit.

Glad you can be yourself here. We love you !

Very true words. Thank you.

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