a bad mental day

started drinking tequila at 7am.

laid down on the couch at 12:30pm.

kicked out my foot.

caught my bong...tipped over..bong water all over the carpet.

feeling like a human form of existential crisis.

Living off of 90 dollars a week, which is mostly food and gas.

makeup? nope. just leftovers. clothes? Homeless style.

I grocery shop at dollar tree.

As my mom dropped off my 2nd bottle of tequila, I leaned on the car window, in the nice sun and breeze, and I told her I give up.

7 months single.....now realizing I used my BFs as motivation. without them.....I feel zero purpose.

Its like....trying to walk again...

I feel like a toddler....a basic, no skills, toddler.

I am not even to the point where I shower on weekends.

I work 8-5 Mon thru Fri. after that I ...... die.

spend the next two days unshowered. I dont leave the apt.

Completely lost myself and trying to just get back to normal human basics.

so bear with me.

this is bottom.