I Want To Get Really Fat

This is from personal experience, if you reall want to pile on the pounds try this, this is from an old friend who is a dietician and who I conned into doing a sort of reverse diet/lifestyle for me firstly eat all the wrong foods like creams,fatty meats, loads of fried stuff like chips etc and don't forget the really important part booze can play in piling on the pounds ! now here's the best bit, to reallyscrew up your metabolism so most of what you eat is stored as fat you need to do all the above but at the WRONG times, have a really gut-busting meal and loadsa booze just before you go to bed, don't exercise,sleep late, gawp at the tv all day do nothing active and if you can go most of the day with nothing to eat then near bed time have a really huge meal, what this does is put your body into starvation mode i.e. it dosent know when you'll next eat so it stores virtually everything as lovely fat,trust me this works I gained 28 lbs in 6weeks ! but be warned once you slow your metabolism to a virual crawl (like I have) then it's almost impossible to return it to normal again at least not without an insane amount of effort ( which I have no intention of trying) so this is not for the feint hearted or the "passing fad "type of person , let me know how you get on.

Overstuff your belly every chance you get!

If you have to someone to rely on, entirely giving up mobility does wonders. (Or so I hear)

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Buy corn syrup and place it on all food you eat. You may want to reconsider this goal, it will lead to major health problems and early death.

Omg I have an idea for a backyardigans episode where Austin gets fattened up. What should it be called though?