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I Have Lots On My Mind

P9 - I Hate This Feeling Of Having No Where To Turn... I hate this feeling of feeling like I have no where to turn. Irritated not only with my sister but the husband as well. He thinks I vent too much about her. I vent because I need to let out some steam. If I don't vent, then I keep things in and feelings remain inside of me to fluster. I don't know what to do anymore. I am irritated with the laziness that my sister possesses but I am just as irritated to the lack of "backbone" that my husband has. I see everyone around me. I see their will to accomplish things and their determination to reach goals. I see how they stand up for themselves and how brave they are. I see myself as an opinionated strong-willed and independent woman. I am small but I can defend myself with words. I want a partner who is also as strong and can walk alongside with me, not trailing behind me, hiding in my shadows. Maybe I'm just frustrated. Maybe I just feel like no one is understanding my side. Or not seeing where I'm coming from. I don't know. Well, getting hungry and I need to get back to doing homework. I guess this will be "to be continued" just like all of my other previous posts...
misery22
We all need to vent sometimes that is just the nature of being a woman. Most men tend not to understand. It is hard for a strong woman to find a balance with a man she sees as weak. But think of it as, your strength maybe want he loves about you. He needs you to be strong so he can borrow from you. try seeing it from his view point.

you have the right to feel like you do.
airzzm · 41-45, F
saddenwolf, thx for the reply. i hate feeling like i have no where to turn. i LOVE experience project, however, sometimes it makes me feel sad. unlike other social networks, venting on here feels "different". people dont know what you look like or who u are. the same goes with venting out to a person face to face.

i admit, venting out on here has got to be the best opportunities i've ever gotten my paws on. i feel like i can b "myself". it's kinda cool...

being in a relationship for almost 14 years with the same person has been interesting. i am learning sooo much about the opposite sex. but there's still so much to learn. in many ways, the union between the two of us makes sex. i speak my mind, am opinionated, wild, strong-willed, and determined. he is shy, conservative, quiet, a follower, and can easily let matters "slide" no matter how much something bothers him. being a heavy-weighted Sagittarius and him being a sensitive Cancer, it scares me. i know that opposites attract and when i "hover" over our relationship, trying to see it in the perspective of others, he and i makes sense. the hopes are for him to tone me done and for me to strengthen and motivate him.

you are right. i am having trouble finding the balance. i would love to, but am having trouble. i tell myself that "my strength" is the reason why he loves me, but sometimes i dont know. i know he loves me, but sometimes i place myself in his shoes and him being the way he is and me being the way i am, i feel confused why he would be attracted to me in the first place. i have told him that he needs a nice little conservative christian girl by is side, not a wild crazy hippy goth girl like me. i dont know...

does he need me? to borrow strength from me? i feel like it is so. i KNOW (not think) that he feels lost without me. but GOSH...why can't i shake all of these feelings i have. i have always put him first. trying to understand the way he is and how his broken families shaped him into the person that he is. i have dismissed others who have promised me the world because of how i feel for him. i have always tried to understand his inability to focus on me and his ADHD and his lack of communication with me. all because i loved him and i knew he NEEDED me. but i cant shake these feelings. i just dont know...

thx for your time. it's appreciated...take care...
airzzm · 41-45, F

 
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