I Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I would not wish this on anyone. I hate myself. I hate that I can't be perfect. I hate that I can't accept that no one is perfect. Body dismorphia is torture. I think I am fat when I am barely 100 lbs. thankfully I am not anorexic. I've had moments. I think I am ugly with my acne prone uneven skin at 23 and it just isn't fair that I keep struggling with it. I go NOWHERE without makeup. I would have a breakdown because of my acne I am disgusted by it. It's not even cystic or severe but to me it's hideous. This is just my latest obsession. I convinced myself I had cellulite last year when there was nothing there. I want so badly to talk to someone who has these same issues. If you don't live with this disease you can't understand. I look in the mirror every day and pick myself apart. I've tried counciling.....they don't get it. How do I let go of these thoughts? They consume and control my life. I want to be free