I Think I Am Just Going To Write Stuff
WARNING: Don't read this unless you feel like hearing about my crappy feelings.
I completely apologize for writing so many sad stories lately. This was supposed to be my place to be uplifted and empowered, sharing inspiring and thought-provoking stories... but I've also found that it's a wonderful place to just let go and spew out all of those thoughts that I have to hold in when I'm in public.
Lately, I've been in a pretty bad place. By 'lately' I mean like two days ago. I'm not sure what happened, but all the sudden I just started feeling all of my emotions at once. It's like being hit by a car and the doctor suddenly takes away all of your painkillers. I'm in a state of shock, pain, and confusion, and not sure what to do with all of this.
I feel like such a baby, because all I'm doing is whining, but I also feel that I'm allowed to let myself whine. I've been through a lot and to minimize my feelings around it would be cheating myself, but at the same time I want to believe that I'm stronger than this. I want to believe that I'm in control of my life and I should just be able to move on and forget about this whole thing, or at least stop being affected by it. Ugh, I want so badly to not be affected by it anymore.
I'm just wondering how long it takes to return to normal, or if I'll ever return to normal. I want to be able to be social again and not tense up at the idea of being around more than two people at a time. I want to feel safe around men when there's absolutely no reason to feel threatened. I want to be comfortable with touch again and not jump at the slightest pat on my arm or shoulder.
I feel so weak right now. So helpless. I just want to be me again.
I completely apologize for writing so many sad stories lately. This was supposed to be my place to be uplifted and empowered, sharing inspiring and thought-provoking stories... but I've also found that it's a wonderful place to just let go and spew out all of those thoughts that I have to hold in when I'm in public.
Lately, I've been in a pretty bad place. By 'lately' I mean like two days ago. I'm not sure what happened, but all the sudden I just started feeling all of my emotions at once. It's like being hit by a car and the doctor suddenly takes away all of your painkillers. I'm in a state of shock, pain, and confusion, and not sure what to do with all of this.
I feel like such a baby, because all I'm doing is whining, but I also feel that I'm allowed to let myself whine. I've been through a lot and to minimize my feelings around it would be cheating myself, but at the same time I want to believe that I'm stronger than this. I want to believe that I'm in control of my life and I should just be able to move on and forget about this whole thing, or at least stop being affected by it. Ugh, I want so badly to not be affected by it anymore.
I'm just wondering how long it takes to return to normal, or if I'll ever return to normal. I want to be able to be social again and not tense up at the idea of being around more than two people at a time. I want to feel safe around men when there's absolutely no reason to feel threatened. I want to be comfortable with touch again and not jump at the slightest pat on my arm or shoulder.
I feel so weak right now. So helpless. I just want to be me again.
31-35, F
