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I Feel I Was Born Into The Wrong Family

[b]Oh boy. [/b]

My family is... well, at the risk of sounding like a classist, they are pretty much all poor white trash. 馃槖 They all have made really poor life choices repeatedly, valuing a good time over responsibility. They're all addicted to something, whether it's drugs, alcohol, food, or stealing. Most of them have been in and out of jail for various reasons. They all were physically abusive to both spouses and kids. They all raised their kids with the least effort possible, which pretty much translates to: we kids had to raise ourselves.

Most of my mom's side of the family is loud, crass, obstinate, and easily-angered, with huge senses of entitlement. A lot of them are narcissists, and I have one uncle who is probably a psychopath. They all partied hard in their youth and continued that lifestyle even into older age, which is why a lot of them are dead now from overdoses.

My dad's side of the family are all mousy, poor, uneducated, alcoholics who don't know anything of life except for marrying young and breeding a dozen babies before age 30. Most of them died early too- from fried foods and too much booze and cigarettes.

I'm different from them all, which is probably why I never felt like I fit in. The family member I was closest to was my beloved grandmother on mom's side- she was pure class. She was refined, sparkling, educated, wordly. Her home was always immaculate, she never touched tobacco and only had a sip or two of brandy at Christmas. I feel like of every member of my family, she was the one I was most like. She and I enjoyed the same activities, had the same taste in films, same senses of humor, we were both wholehearted practitioners of tact, and we both enjoyed the more refined things in life. I still wonder to this day why such a polished diamond of a woman married an oaf such as my grandfather, who was pretty much a bumpkin. 馃
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Cleancut56-60, M
I grew up in a fairly similar environment as you and did not repeat the behavior I saw around me. Yet unlike you I have great affection towards the people you describe instead of being judgemental towards them. My position is the strange one because I think in most cases you either repeat the cycle or you rebel against it and look down on people who live that lifestyle.

There is a pattern I see in the description of your family that I find endlessly fascinating. I have seen this over and over again. People who live for pleasure...partiers, alcoholics etc often have a crass dominance about them. My mom was a party girl since high school and continued drinking and partying as an adult, especially after she got divorced. You would think someone like this would be fun and happy go lucky...yes with her alcoholic friends..but as a parent she was condescending, quick to get angry and become verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She was living a life of sin on many levels...yet was always finding flaws in me..a well behaved kid. She was definitely narcissistic and had a bold confidence about her. I guess a lot of her behavior was simply the result of alcohol but I say her personality type is attracted to alcohol in the first place.

Even if my childhood wasn't especially happy...I cried more than I laughed...I am drawn towards women who remind me of my mother. When you describe your family I crave being around them...they seem so much more exciting than good people like you or me.
DearAmbellina211341-45, F
@Cleancut You can keep them and all the toxicity that comes with them. I'd much rather have good, reliable people in my life. I don't feel guilty in the slightest for cutting my family off. They made their choices and now they are suffering the consequences.