I Wonder If We All Expect Too Much From Relationships
Relationships. Most of us want them and most of us don't know how to handle them.
I have been in a few serious relationships. The first ended because of the abuse. I use to think the best trait i had was that I stuck it out for 17 years. Oddly, he did what he always did which was accuse of cheating. Oddly, I never looked at another man. I was married for life. Sadly, he changed the way I would dress or the way I was with people for fear that I would get beat.
Finally, he accused me one too many times, and I was done. I realized that if I had not shown him my loyalty in that many years despite the beatings, it was time to end it. He is a mean person and one I hide from to this day. If he can have his will, he will kill me. His favorite phrase was: "If I can't have you, no one can."
Life moved on for me and I soon met another person and a married him. Well I was so in love. I knew this was going to be amazing. By this time, I realized that i was going to be me and he had to accept me for me. I told him my desires for a marriage and those were: a friend, a partner, a lover and a companion. I wanted him to know that sex and making love were hugely important to me and OMG lets not forget kissing and foreplay. That is a MUST. He said that for him as well. This was perfect right? OMG, of course it was. Everything was fine. We moved in together for two months before we married and little things were changing but not enough to alert me to anything. Then the day came. We married. It was a pretty day. That night we went back to our place and things changed drastically. He asked me not to touch him. I was confused, but I was going to honor his wishes. I thought the next day. But things slowly went from bad to worst. One day in the middle of the night, I was alseep and I tend to move toward the person I sleep with. I did this that night and he freaked out. He scared me awake. He yelled at me: "Quit touching me." He started putting a pillow between us in bed. I slept at the very edge of my side of the bed for many nights after that. As time went on, I moved into the guestroom. But you know that good trait I have? Well I used it here too. I stayed. 14 years I stayed hoping things would change. They never did. I finally filed for divorce.
Relationships are tough but I have learned that BOTH people have to be completely honest, forgiving, giving, be great communicators and be able to request for what they may need or want and also both have to know how to accept from others.
To be in a relationship, you have to have a relationship with yourself first. If you do not know yourself, how can you expect the other person to know you?
I have been in a few serious relationships. The first ended because of the abuse. I use to think the best trait i had was that I stuck it out for 17 years. Oddly, he did what he always did which was accuse of cheating. Oddly, I never looked at another man. I was married for life. Sadly, he changed the way I would dress or the way I was with people for fear that I would get beat.
Finally, he accused me one too many times, and I was done. I realized that if I had not shown him my loyalty in that many years despite the beatings, it was time to end it. He is a mean person and one I hide from to this day. If he can have his will, he will kill me. His favorite phrase was: "If I can't have you, no one can."
Life moved on for me and I soon met another person and a married him. Well I was so in love. I knew this was going to be amazing. By this time, I realized that i was going to be me and he had to accept me for me. I told him my desires for a marriage and those were: a friend, a partner, a lover and a companion. I wanted him to know that sex and making love were hugely important to me and OMG lets not forget kissing and foreplay. That is a MUST. He said that for him as well. This was perfect right? OMG, of course it was. Everything was fine. We moved in together for two months before we married and little things were changing but not enough to alert me to anything. Then the day came. We married. It was a pretty day. That night we went back to our place and things changed drastically. He asked me not to touch him. I was confused, but I was going to honor his wishes. I thought the next day. But things slowly went from bad to worst. One day in the middle of the night, I was alseep and I tend to move toward the person I sleep with. I did this that night and he freaked out. He scared me awake. He yelled at me: "Quit touching me." He started putting a pillow between us in bed. I slept at the very edge of my side of the bed for many nights after that. As time went on, I moved into the guestroom. But you know that good trait I have? Well I used it here too. I stayed. 14 years I stayed hoping things would change. They never did. I finally filed for divorce.
Relationships are tough but I have learned that BOTH people have to be completely honest, forgiving, giving, be great communicators and be able to request for what they may need or want and also both have to know how to accept from others.
To be in a relationship, you have to have a relationship with yourself first. If you do not know yourself, how can you expect the other person to know you?