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I Admit That I'm Scared

I'm not so much scared, it's that I have this feeling of being unsettled when I go somewhere unfamiliar to me. Maybe it's the precursor to anxiety.

Whether it's me living hermit-like for the past 5-years, and leaving mainstream society. Whether it's CPTSD, (which I'm pretty certain I have) from all I've gone through these last decades. Whether it's age related, or the fact that I'm now a single older woman feeling vulnerable in a new life and city without the protection of a man in my life (I felt this very much when I was stalked last year), having no one to turn to, well I don't know. Maybe it's the sum of it all.

What I do know is I feel upset, and feel like crying because I drove somewhere unfamiliar. It wasn't too far from my home, but this whole state (except my locality, and I'm still getting used to that) is unfamiliar to me. I don't know anyone very well here, and when I go further afield, it feels like I'm lost in a wilderness and so alone.

I had thought of taking a road trip across country, but now I'm nixing those ideas. If just driving 15-minutes from home in unfamiliar territory has me unsettled, then God help me driving alone in a country I don't know. I feel very vulnerable.

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Cierzo · M

It sounds like anxiety. You feel like an alien in the environment you live in. I think taking a long trip now is not a good idea, it would make you really anxious.

It would be good you do thing by yourself, practical things your ex used to do, starting with very easy one, realising that you can do them. The key is regaining self-confidence, and that is a slow process with ups and downs.

Carissimi · 70-79, F

Thank you. I do everything by myself. I moved across the country by myself, and go everywhere by myself, but going outside this city I'm in feels very alien to me. I feel this is my safe zone.

jackson55 · M

Wow Cari you need to get your confidence back. You don't need a man for that. I have a older sister, 60's, that lost her husband two years ago. She drove from California to Florida and back by her self because she had never done such a thing. It was a great confidence builder. Venture out alittle, it sounds like you need it.

Carissimi · 70-79, F

When you have been married for 25- years, and any sounds (or the alarm going off) in the night, my husband was the one that went out to check the house (well armed). If I was stalked (which I wasn't while married) knowing he was there to take charge of that was reassuring to me.

Being stalked by two men last year when I was alone in a new state and city and freshly divorced unnerved me for several weeks. I felt the loss of my husband's protection. This is not my mother country, and I've lived a sheltered life for years now. I feel as I feel, and I have taken huge steps over the past year to get myself out and about.

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